a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

Lazy Afternoon..

Spent the day cleaning up the house, cleaning my room.. browsing the net and the newspapers for more jobs.. the humid weather is killing me.. Hiding in the comfort of my cool room most of the time..

Recently, many sad things has happened in my life.. On Sunday, i came home to find my favourite fatty hamster dead. So sad! It left without a warning of any kind and i dont think it has shown any symptoms of any illness or stuff like that.. It was still climbing the cage enthusiastically and snatching for food on saturday when i was feeding it before i left the house!!

It's now gone.. was heart wrenching taking it's "spouse" out of the cage, clearing the cage with the hamster corpse.. It looked peaceful in it's sleeping position though.. i kinda wondered if it died of old age.. but it's only slightly more than a year old!

On monday, i got a call from my mum.. She's in Rengam (a small town in the state of Johor) looking after my grandpa.. He's all alone in the house coz my grandma went KL to do a full body checkup. Her health has been deteriorating and her kidneys are almost failing.. and the sad thing is.. she refused to watch what she eats.. but then again.. the old couple are left fending for themselves in the small town of rengam.. For many years.. my uncles and aunties have asked them to move from where they are to somewhere more accessible.. so that someone can look after them.. bought them houses to stay in only to find out that they sold it away.. and simply refused to move.. *sigh*

Anyway, the main point is that my grandma fell down in my aunty's house in KL.. and was admitted into the hospital.. She fell down the stairs and it was so bad that the ambulance had to come to bring her away.. and this morning, i heard from my aunt from the states that my grandma is undergoing an operation today.. to have a steel bar inserted into her hip.. and they are keeping this from my grandpa.. He's been worrying himself sick since the day my grandma left for KL, and no one thinks its good for him to know since his health isnt anywhere good nowadays and he is MUCH older than my grandma..

Life is so vulnerable.. and sometimes life end so abruptly that we dont even have the time to bade goodbye.. I do hope that my grandparents will be healthy and alive in the next few years to come.. Thinking back to those days where i used to stay in Rengam as a kid during the school holidays.. Grandpa taught me so many things.. from abacus to chinese chess, flying kites, making my own kites.. lighting up my first firecrackers.. making my own chess set.. writing chinese calligraphy.. Life back then was so simple.. so filled with joy.. filled with discoveries of the antiques and the things that my uncles/aunties grew up in.. and the ancient games that they played... Some of these things still exist in that house till today..

Grandma will bring me to the market with her every morning.. really wet and smelly market.. much worst than what we have here in singapore in the 80s.. but its an adventure that not many can experience.. and believe me.. the market there today still looks and smell pretty much the same and chickens are still killed on the spot.. and blood squirting all over on the sand gound and the faint hearted are better kept away.. In the afternoon, she will bring me to her plantations and work in there.. harvesting all kinds of fruits she has there and picking durians and eating them on the spot.. and then its selling them in the shophouse.. and in the pasar malams that they have every weekend in that small town..

These are memories that'll stay with me forever.. and i've just realised that i dont really have many photos of that place.. I think i should take some photos for keepsake when im there this june..My uncle once told me.. Many a times, we take places we go for granted and only to realise many years later that we do not have anything to show the places that we went before.. or places that we spent a great deal of our lives in.. i think i will take a step back and start taking photos of that place in June. Heard from aunt that this time, they are forcing them to move.. in view of their health and everything..

Till then, i hope the both of them will be still good health and healing well from the fall..