a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

Tick Tock..Tick Tock..

Every day in the silence of the night.. i'll sit at my usual computer table at a corner of the living room.. Most would have slept at this hour while im still here.. smashing my fingernails on the black creative keyboard of mine..

The clocks in the house go tick tock.. tick tock.. sounds so loud to me now but they are hardly audible in the bustle of the day activities in the house.. It's weird. I'll never hear them in the day.. but they always prevent me from sleeping coz i always thought that they were noisy.. they also happen to be my No. 1 hate object when i used to be a student.. Every tick and tock makes me panic and stressed up as the time ticks nearer to the examinations and project deadlines and being the lazy student i am.. i'll never start till it's too late.. And believe it anot.. i actually find the ticking clocks and watches a nuisance coz i'm the type of person that can study only in absolute silence..

How many in the world out there knows how to appreciate silence? Being the crazy girl, the happy go lucky girl, the active girl, sporty, bubbly, lively, and hyper girl that everyone seems to describe me in friendster, i happen to be one that prefers to be surrounded by silence rather than being caught in the bustle of everyday life. The silence calms my heart.. free me from all the frustrations of the life and let me be caught in a world of my own..

How many hours can one spend in silence a day? Not many.. People wake to go work.. exposed to all sorts of noise at work..exposed to all the tv noises at home.. then to bed.. It's sad, but it seems that it's going to be the life that i'm going to lead soon too.. Spent the last few weeks doing temp jobs and it's been draining myself away.. It's tiring and there's hardly nothing that i seemed to enjoy.. Each day, i come back home only to find myself so tired that the bed is my next best friend..

Isnt it sad to know that time is slowly passing us by each day.. without us consciously realising it? Growing old before we know it? Moving on to the different phrases of lives before we are even prepared for it? Losing contact with friends without even realising the loss?

It's weird.. the meaning of life.. different people seek different meanings in their lives.. different goals.. different aspirations.. Some get there.. some don't.. For me, I just want to feel contented each day.. feel as ease with myself.. and have friends with me till the day i leave this world..