a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

The Vision of Age..

Bustled around the house like a bee today.. There was so many things to do.. keeping the house in check, making sure the clothes are washed, dishes done, breakfast ready, table cleared, and all that foul weather stuff with taking the clothes in.. My! i feel so much like an auntie!! especially when i had to go to the market early this morning to grab some meat for the BBQ that im supposed to go tomorrow!! Anyway, was just browsing some of the pictures that i took randomly some days ago.. and chanced upon the picture below..



As i stared at it.. i began to realise..it didnt really look like myself!! Not that it's not really me.. but it wasnt exactly what i used to be.. Even though i do look in the mirror everyday while brushing my teeth.. flossing my teeth.. combing my hair.. never did i really spend much time taking notice of myself.. how my face changes.. and how my look changes.. and i guess.. i look REALLY DIFFERENT from what i was like just 2 years ago.. Suddenly it felt so eerie.. *eeks*

Many a times, we use our eyes to observe the people around us.. things that are of novelty, people that we see on the train, strangers that we didnt even know.. observe the way they talk.. observe the way they speak.. observe the things they wear.. observe the kind of phones that they carry.. We too, use our eyes to read to increase our knowledge, watch the news to keep ourselves updated, watch TV shows to keep ourselves entertained..

But, how much time have we use our eyes to observe ourselves? or even the people that are close to our hearts? Have you ever wondered how old your mum has aged over the years? How many wrinkles she seemed to be wearing nowadays? That's something that i never thought i will ponder upon till moments ago..

While this globe is turning, our skin is aging.. our age piling.. is our knowledge increasing? are our self worth increasing? Are we really taking note of what we are becoming, who we are growing into and how we have evolved? How we have come the way we came? In the present hectic lifestyle of ours, do we really care abt issues like this or is it really a bread and butter struggle?

For now, i can afford to sit back, relax and ponder on such stuff.. but will i have the energy to do so once i start working? i do hope i can...

Went for an interview today.. the ad says JL organization and it turned out to be PRUDENTIAL.. was supposed to be the post of a management trainee.. but i was told to start off as a financial planner for 2 years and then bla bla bla.. the interviewer droned on for an hour and 15 mins on how great it is.. how satisfying the financial returns will be, how the career path would be mapped and stuff like that and he totally lost my attention after 45 mins.. i have already diverted it to the scenery that he has out of his office windows and the rest of the artefacts he had in his room and including the photos of his sons..

In SHORT, he's asking me to sell insurance, bonds and get people to make investments.. something that i totally hate!! I hate financial stuff.. has always been bad in figures and i dont think i can start convincing people when i cant get my simple mathematics straight.. in the midst of discussion.. he mentioned abt CPF.. it suddenly lead me to thinking about the problems of the late child birth and late marriage that the media has been discussing alot about some weeks back..

here's my point of view... with HDB flats getting more expensive, and living standard and cost of living increasing over the years.. people arent earning enough to be able to afford a house, a simple decent car and live comfortably.. I have friends who got married early.. without planning about the BIG financial problems that they'll run into.. and now, each day worrying abt bills to pay, loans to pay.. and sometimes, whether they have sufficient money to eat at times.. and to me, to live comfortably or rather be financial secure is something really important.. I wouldnt even consider marriage unless i have enough money to pay for all the costs, the honeymoon and stuff like that and on top of that, a sum of money as savings after all that expenses in case of a rainy day..Would you consider jumping into that marriage wagon when you don't even have some savings?

Getting married is one problem.. having a baby is another.. a baby is also another BIG financial drain.. even before the baby is born.. you'll have to think about money for the mother to see the gynae, regular checkups, hospital fees, new furniture for the baby, new toys, new clothes... It's all about the vitamin M!! Then its about saving for the child's education, the child's allowance, expenses, maid/nanny to look after baby, and all the way till the child is independent enough to earn his own keep. I guess its really stressful having a kid here in Singapore and many people are pushing it back till they are financially secure.. for me, i would have done the same thing if i'm married..

Is being technogically advanced better for the quality of life in reality? Is being one of the fastest developing countries in the world a good thing for us? I guess most of us are reaping the side effects of these..I wouldnt think many people would rather not have kids.. to me, its a phrase of life and i'll be willing to go through it.. but the question is - can we AFFORD it? back in the olden days.. the older generations never seemed to have much of these problems and kids bearing was a more common sight..

I do hope that the situation will soon improve.. and that starting a new phrase of life wont just be a monetary issue.. and extending the family members wont be linked to that issue too.. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hope the situation will improve years down the road.. especially when i'm ready to start a family of my own..