a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

Gloom..

Almost every other day.. as i lay on my bed preparing to sleep.. i'll stare into the darkness of my room.. the only lights that i can see are the following:
- glow-in-the-dark stars pasted all over the ceiling..
- glow-in-the-dark jigsaw puzzle given by anthony..
- glow-in-the-dark full human size skeleton given by my bro..

sometimes i wonder.. is life like what's before my eyes?? When everything else seemed so dark and gloomy, there's still something at the far end giving out a soft light.. like some form of hope... silently waiting by the side.. it sets me thinking.. do i have friends who'll stand by me no matter what happens? are they always there for me without me realising their presence? friends who have been there for me, many thanks.. i cant say how much i appreciate you guys/gals..

i am sad today. i feel like life have been snuffed out of me.. i wish i could cry.. but hardly any tears will come into my eyes.. is this good or bad?? feel kinda numb.. like a lifeless body drifting on a calm sea.. i have loads of frustrations.. but nowhere to vent them.. i dont wish to talk to anyone.. is there really a light at the end of the tunnel??

i tried hard to cheer myself up.. but the very next min.. i feel so punctured again.. my mind is weak.. my confidence all gone.. i feel like a mute.. i wish i could just disappear out of everyone's sight.. i wonder if anyone will notice my non-existence. *sigh* will i ever get myself out of this rut? this aint a good sign and i know..

i want to sleep.. to forget everything that's on my mind.. but my mind is racing with images.. with angry thoughts.. i cant shut it down.. it's like an engine running non-stop.. i wish someone can knock me unconscious.. so that my mind will stop thinking and my poor body can have a good rest..

i need to sleep.. i got to wake early tomorrow..