a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

Frustrations..

at times, I am very frustrated with the people around me. Sometimes, they make me think that my life is so miserable.

I met up with wei last night for a quick dinner coz I wanted to get some overnight parking coupons for my uncle who was coming over from Kl tonight.. he's gonna fetch my other uncle and aunt flying in from the states.. and stay over for the night before fetching them all back to rengam where my grandpa lives..

i waited since 5.30pm to meet wei, and he couldn't meet me till 9pm coz he was still working. when i finally met him, he has already fell asleep in his car, just minutes after he arrived. it was heart wrenching to see him that tired.. at times, i really feel demoralized.. he has classes 3 times a week.. works 5 days week for at least 12 hours a day.. has to cope with his projects and project meetings.. cope with his wide circle of ever demanding to meet friends.. study for his coming exams.. he hardly has time left for me. at times, we'll meet up just to have meals and after that, he'll be sitting there the whole day.. lost in the pile of notes and textbooks.. without someone to being there for me most of the time, i do get lonely at times.. other times, i feel frustrated when i cant seemed to get hold of him..

when friends chided that it shouldnt be the case when it comes to relationships.. and i often get very angry for hearing it.. not with myself.. not with wei.. for with these friends for saying such things.. i mean, if you are really my friend, you shouldnt be saying such things in the first place! i was just thinking about this issue on the way to work this morning that i realised that these are the people who made me love wei more.. who taught me to be more understanding towards his behaviour, actions..though it is indeed making me miserable hearing them say the nasty things.. without them, my love for wei might not be as strong as it is now.. though at times i may wonder that they shouldnt be branded as my friends, but come to think of it, they did help to improve me as an individual.. only with such trials that people get polished and grow to be more sensible..(michie, sounds familiar? hee..)

i'm must be thankful for their presence, they are there to teach me something.. to make me learn and realize what i really want, need.. who i really care for.. maybe i should learn to reward these people with a smile.. :)

i don't know if wei will get affected after reading this entry but dar, if you are reading this.. i want you to know that it's fine with me, don't worry.. work and studies are more important.. i was the one who encouraged you to go for the studies.. now that you have only have 2 more years to go, no matter how hard, you have to work through it. at the end of it all, we'll both benefit from the learning process..

in the times of loneliness, i thank friends like michie, jac, my sec sch friends (wenjing, shuyu, pei , bla bla so many of them!), who have accompanied me when i needed them.. without them.. i would have been a really miserable person today. Oops.. time to be back at work.. i was secretly blogging in the office.. hee.