a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

Frustrated me..

i was extremely pissed when i went to bed last nite. I can't stand wei's indecisiveness. Argh.. we planned the trip and i took leave for tomorrow.. and i kept asking if the trip was confirmed since there are things i need to do and prepare. all along, he told me ya.. we'll be going.. just before i slept last nite at almost 3am, i called wei to confirm abt meeting for the trip tomorrow... and there he tells me that we might not go anymore (when just 2 hours ago, he says that we'll be going!)..

I was thoroughly pissed, for the sake of this trip.. and i had to rush some of my personnel stuffs.. and i stayed up so late last nite to finish some unfinished business of mine and pack my bag, only to have someone tell me that we might not be going afterall! i was so frustrated and tired.. and super angry with wei.

i wonder if i have the right to be angry.. for days.. i kept asking abt it.. and for days.. he didnt say anything except for the doubts of his car.. whether he should be driving his car and whether it's safe to drive his car. and whether he should allow his friend to drive his car..(since the last time they went, his friend forgot to release the hand brake and drove for 1 and 1/2 hours at the speed of 120km/hr.. thank god that was a rented car..)

wei mentioned that im constantly frustrated these days.. am i? or am i just frustrated with him only? i didnt realise it..neither do i know why i'm frustrated.. all i know is.. the last 2 weeks is just so hectic that my body havent resting much and i'm still sick till this day.

I'm still wondering what to do today.. i have no idea whether im heading for the trip tonight and i left my luggage at home.. since wei didnt give me a clear answer last nite. oh well.. if i delayed everyone else.. then i only have him to blame.

im starting a day off feeling pissed, angry and upset.. and im battling to keep my eyelids open.. i know this is bad.. but i cant help it.. my mental mind is no longer strong to hold me in place.

losing myself..

i have been desperately wanting to update my blog for the past week.. but havent had the time nor the chance to do so.

Indeed.. i had to work OT on christmas eve.. and left wei waiting outside my office for at least half an hour. i felt so bad.. but on the other hand, it's so sweet of him to be so patient!

the weekend was quite hectic..headed to 2 different friend's house and play mahjong till the wee hours.. got pressies from wei's sis.. what a pleasant surprise.. christmas was spent shopping in town.. bought wei 2 pairs of shoes and cost me $200.. and i was so embarrassed when my card decline from too much swiping.. bo pian.. debit card mah, no more money so declined..

wei got me one of my dream watches.. wow.. so excited!! here's a photo of it..



the color aint exactly correct, but this is the closest that i can find..

I'm feeling extremely tired at this moment.. wanting to go to bed badly.. but i got to pack my stuff.. i'm heading for kuantan in the night.. making a road trip there in wei's car.. i forsee a hectic day ahead.. work and meeting a earrings buyer.. and jac for dinner.. heading to nike to check out yoga pants.. and then meet wei and heading straight for the trip.. I guess i have to lug a big bag around tomorrow in town..

i'll be back only on sunday.. please dun miss me.. *grinz*

i just read jac's blog just moments earlier and left her a message there.. it kinda made me think about my own life too.. sometimes.. it gets so confusing.. and we dunno where to head for at times.. wondering which is the correct way.. sometimes, when the current status quo is being rocked, one cant help but wonder and have doubts..

this is what i have learnt.. do what you think is right.. and use the ultimate goal you have in mind as the guideline.. time will tell the rest.

got to go.. i hope i will have fun..

oh oh.. i finally got my confirmation letter today.. but i aint a bit happy. i guess it came way too late.. :(

the spirit of Christmas!!

my days since the last time i blogged hasnt been exactly great. i am thankful that at least i have friends who lend me a listening ear to complain.. send me rays of sunshine while i'm down.. giving me pats on the back for encourgament and helping me when im sick..

the weekend whizzed over through bouts of fever that comes and go.. and a very inflammed throat plus a busy wei who hardly had time for me.. but still brought me to eat rocher beancurd (after me harping on it after 2 days).. still, it was a nice gesture and i appreciate it loads..tho the beancurd tasted a little weird coz i was sick..

started the week heading to work even tho i wasnt feeling exactly well.. no choice.. i didnt wanna get my pay deducted for taking medical leave.. im not confirmed yet.. and its not abt my performance level.. it's abt the management's time management. They didnt have the time to do my confirmation.. and here i am suffering..

tuesday.. i got really bad.. lost my voice totally.. tried to talk but only squeaking like a little mouse. i bet my pet hamster could squeak louder than me. decided to declare MC. couldnt make it and slept 3/4 of the day away.. and spend the rest of the day writing cards.. wrapping small gifts.. went to the doc's at nite and he gave me 2 days mc.. but i was determined to go back to work somehow.. money was something that i lacked and i just dun wanna let them deduct my pay.

wed - sick still, grumpy and had a really bad day! scolded by thousands of customers.. it seems like its a day for complains.. and i was so down and busy when a bundle of surprises came in.. check out the rays of sunshine that michie sent!



was feeling cheery after that till this nasty customer called and complained about this 20% discount coupon. scolded me and insulted me.. and shouted that its such a stupid promotion.. what kind of marketing exe i am.. bla bla bla.. was so angry but i tried to calmly explain the reason only to have her slam the phone down on me! i was super angry.. gosh! i stood up and kicked the partition till it shook..in the first place, the promotion that she mentioned was done a year ago by another marketing exe!! still feeling sick and uncomfortable, i sat down and started sobbing.. wondering why my day is so sucky..

everyone else in the office was shocked.. i kept sobbing and sobbing.. refusing to talk to anyone.. i just think the world is so unfair! managed to cool down hours later and joined my colleagues for a hearty dinner at swensens!!

thursday was fire-fighting day and the whole day was spent handling complaints and pacifying angry customers.. *sigh* beginning to really HATE this job.. the only nice thing was that i left on the dot. 5.30pm and i ran away!

it's christmas eve! I'll like to wish everyone a great big
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

it's so sad.. i think i might have to work OT today.. *sigh*

i hope everyone will have fun and may there be world peace.. enjoy the weekend!!

Black stOrm!

thursday started off with me reaching the office only to find the outlet supervisors strolling into the office at 8.45am onwards.. half wondering why they were here, and half rushing my work.. one of them came over and chatted to me.. only to have me find out that there's a supervisor meeting that morning.. I wasn't informed of anything!!

gawd.. i wonder if there's anything to do with the storm that i was expecting to be brewing. anyway, i came to this conclusion that it prob has got nothing to do with me, since i wasnt asked to prepare any agenda, or told about the matter. to my ultimate dismay, at 9.05am sharp, my boss came over my desk and asked, "can we head for the meeting now?" my next reactions were.. "huh? uh.. ok."(feeling puzzled and unprepared) i scrambled and grab a book and a pen and hobbled behind at his heels, heading for that huge conference room that's in the MD's office.

Meeting took 3 hours.. and while i was wondering why my customer service manager is nowhere in sight.. i heard the announcement that she is no longer with us. Confusion sets in.. i saw my CS mgr still sitting at her desk yesterday, looking fine and pretending nothing has happened.. (tho she was called into a meeting in the morning and i saw her crying during the meeting)

I heard from my colleagues that she resigned. I don't think i would believe that tho. She has a lot of debts to clear that was incurred by her ex-husband, and she's been paying it off each month and was just telling me that in half a year's time.. she should be free.. the next thing that came to my mind was.. she was asked to leave, which i strongly feel it is. the last time my partner got the axe, she was asked to tell us tat she resigned.

*sigh* having been here for slightly over half a year.. i have seen 3 ladies being sacked and it's so demoralizing.. especially when both of them are seated next to me.. and now, im surrounded by a perimeter of emptiness.. from the place im seated, there is no a single soul within a 3m radius. All that im left with is cupboards, partitions, and files to see.. no sight any living things..

It's such an unlucky day.. i came out of the meeting feeling super hungry and was told by my colleagues that they have decided to lunch in and have ordered food.. i was about to head off myself to the canteen for some food when i was told that they ordered for me too.. aww.. how sweet.. but it only left a frown on my face. i appreciate their gesture loads, but they ordered KFC!! and i don't take fast food! i joined them and forced myself to go through the meal, only after 1 piece of chicken, i felt so sick that im ready to puke. decided that was enough stopped eating..

that was also when.. i realised that the ribbon from my heels dropped out! argh! my heels!! i have spoilt so many pairs recently that i no longer have heels to wear! was trying to find superglue to paste it back and no one has it.. not even the maintenence guy. :(

continue with work and was expecting an important fax when the fax machine is down.. my boss told me to change it with the one downstairs.. so, i decided to use some initiative to move it myself.. (only 4 other colleagues left in the office and 2 of them are pregnant) at first it was fine.. then i realised that there is an ink stain on the table, then i looked at the carpet.. ink stains.. my next reaction was my white pants!! Argh! huge ink stains on my beloved pants!!! i was so terribly upset!! i was planning to go out after work today!! now, how can i face the world with my pants so stained all over and even my skin beneath my pants also stained black!

tried washing it in the bathroom..resulted in 6 little holes on my hands.. the bleach was too strong for my skin and it was so painful.. and i never managed to get the stains off.. it was too strong a patch and my white pants.. only managed to turn it into brown spots. i had a busy day ahead and i had to walk around the office wrapped in my black shawl. simply no longer in the mood to work, i have decided to give my boss a call and headed home.

while i was abt to leave.. many urgent issues caught me and i never seemed to be able to leave. finally left and asked the maintenence guy to send me home (thank godness that he was just abt to head out of the office).. i cant imagine having to take a bus wrapped in a shawl.. should anyone decide to knock me or accidentally tug at my shawl.. it would just drop.. and being in the industrial area, there's hardly a cab in sight..

got home, swapped my shawl with a pair of jeans and headed out of the house again..

Getting sick..

friday was a busy day at work.. i was trying to clear all the urgent stuff.. and worked till 8pm.. went of to meet shuyu & wenjing at Suntec for some midnight shopping.. didnt want to go initially, but shuyu wanted to borrow my Charles & Keith card and i didnt have any chance to pass it to her during the week..

Met yihui, jiahui, munic and lester with 2 other girls that i dunno about. i also met many friends while shopping today.. i wonder y.

walked around and squeezed with the crowd.. got so upset coz everyone kept pushing me!! i went into the Swarovski shop to look at something that i wanted to buy long ago.. it's this cherry handyphone strap with all crystals.. so delicate and pretty.. almost bought it when shuyu asked me not to.. too ex for something like that.. i left the shop with the strong urge to go back some day.

its was a frustrating shopping experience.. i doubt i'll ever come to any midnight shopping anyway.. hot, squeezy and uncomfortable.. and im super hungry! havent ate anything since lunch till 12am and we had to call a cab to head out of suntec! the queues there are so long...

Headed for food and home straight and i was so hungry that i ate tim sum, ate wanton noodles, i ate a small bowl of century egg porriage and 1 small bowl of laksa and in the midst of it all.. i had gastric. how nice.

hitched a ride from chee kiong after the meal when he came to fetch shuyu home. I headed for wei's house instead.. too tired to travel alone back home and since shuyu's house is just a stone throw away from wei's house.. it's just so tempting. no one was home when i reached, bathed and tried to surf the net a little, but was too tired and fell asleep..

headache..

i'm expecting a storm tomorrow.. in my office of coz.. something distratous happened today, but the sad thing is.. i dunno what! I heard from one of my colleagues that there'll be some announcement tomorrow.. and for the past week.. i have been subtly warned by my boss that there'll be drastic changes. kinda send a chill down my spine, not knowing what's gonna happen.. will i be asked to pack and leave? i seriously doubt so, but someone will have to bear the axe.. i wonder who.

anyway, i've not been feeling well of late. i think its due to the lack of sleep.. lack of sufficient water.. played too hard (or rather going out too frequently).. and spend late nights revising my new language and staring at my com.

i seriously feel that i'll be on MC tomorrow, but i'll still be heading for the office no matter what. i'm all alone.. sometimes.. i wonder.. how to leave without worrying abt my work?

i went shopping for xmas pressies today.. but didnt buy anything.. totally no idea what to buy for who.. for those of you who wants to ease my little brain from thinking too much, please drop your "dream" pressie on either my tagboard or my comments board. no gaurantee will get.. you know.. im a broke little girl.

Oh.. im thinking of sending little cute cards to my friends.. but my life have been so packed that i dont have the time to think who i wanna send to.. if you wish to receive my acts of love, do drop me a message on your name and your address.. and i'll seriously shortlist and make the decision.. pls hurry, on a first come first serve basis.. limited card available. *grinz*

Alrighty, heading for bed before i get really really sick...

Tuesday afternoon test..

Got this quiz from Ivy, and was feeling so sleepy and bored.. decided to do it..

for those of you who are bored.. take it here

i scored 7 out of 10!! It says, i have normal intelligence.. urgh! I tot i was so brilliant that i would have gotten all the correct answers.. darn! must be coz i took it on monday morning instead of a tuesday afternoon! i'll try again tomorrow.. sure get full marks! hee..

Strike lottery?? *sigh*

Oh, i forgot to mention that we opened a new set of mahjong the other day.. and we picked numbers for 4D!! i wanted to buy on sat, but by the time i reached the betting booth.. it was too late to buy. Only managed to buy it for Sunday.. for those who are interested in buying, here's the number.. 2718

Pei was mentioning must buy 24 permutations.. and guess what.. it came out on sat!! argh.. kinda upsetting tho.. that i didnt manage to buy.. but quite consoled in a way too.. coz i didnt have any intentions to buy 24 permutations.. Hee.. i wonder if any of the girls bought the number.. Hmmmm...

It's another sickening day at work.. (my stomach's feeling queasy, that's y!) and i still have classes at night. Havent revised my lessons since last week. Gawd.. i wish i can become a full time student again!

Fun & laughter + presents!!

rushed home last friday and grab the foodies mum has prepared and took a cab down to david's house.. loads on my hands.. wanted to take the train to save some money, but too much were on my hands.. the cake.. the foodies.. the christmas pressies for the girls.. and my huge bag with my swimming gear.. my stay-over items..

struggling with all the load, hopped onto a cab and almost lost my way there.. hee.. here's some of the pictures that i took with my cammie phone and my sony cammie..



there are more pictures to come, waiting for wenjing and larry to send them to me.. did ivy bring along a cammie as well?? can't really remember.. the night was fun with mahjong sessions and a whole gang of us fighting over houses and hotels in the monopoly game.. it's so relaxing.. spend time watching vcd and finally headed home at 5+ in the morning.. wenjing has already gone to dreamland ages ago and didnt have a chance to say goodbye to her.. *grinz*

we had christmas gift exchanges and here's what i got..
- a beach bag (from pei)
- a white shawl (by wj & sy)
- $X red packet (main sponser -ivy, co-sponsers - wj & sy for me to buy a racket!!)
- a disney beach mat, a cinderella photo frame and a mickey bag (from ivy)

wanted to swim on sat.. but we woke too late and couldnt go since wenjing had something on in the late afternoon.. spent the whole day lazing around and watched vcds with wei throughout the entire night! another day of sleeping only at dawn..

sunday was a shopping day.. spent the whole day walking around in town till my toes are sore.. buy buy buy and carried loads of rubbish back home to store again..

oh, michie's back!! yipee.. hey, make some shouts here!! *yawn* i'm so tired.. snoozing time..

night people..

Snooze mode..

im falling asleep at work.. or rather.. i should say.. i already fell asleep and got awoken when my colleague used the fax machine just next to my cubicle. gawd.. im so tired!

I havent been getting enough rest.. and i seemed to be dreading to come work. my schedule seems to be packed these days and i hardly have time for myself.. argghhh..

i miss michie's comments and her talking to me via msn.. I believe she's gonna tell me that after reading so many entries.. finally there is one with her name mentioned! nah.. she's not forgotten.. i have been sending her smses since she headed for the mission trip.. mich, in case u havent got my subtle hints.. YOU HAVE BEEN MISSED BY ME LOADS!!

im secretly blogging in the office yet again.. to keep myself wide awake.. i seemed to be losing to the "Z" monster a lot these days..

it's gonna be a rushing day.. got to carry "c_k_" from the office, rush home, pack my bag for tonight escape at david's house and tomorrow's swimming and the weekend stay at wei's.. bring along the food, chilli and whatever needed and head for david's house by 7pm.. sure cannot make it in time!!

Oops.. boss out of his office.. better stop blogging! ciao! *switching windows*

Upset..

I'm so sad.. really upset.. found out that i lost my coin purse over lunch!! I was trying to find it back in the office to put the coins that my colleagues gave me.. but i cant find it anywhere!! gawd.. i panicked and tried searching for it everywhere.. even tried calling one of the stalls at the coffeeshop that i went..

i had about $20 in there.. but that's not the issue.. the coin purse.. was a gift from wei.. i like it so much.. and now that it's gone.. i dont even have the mood to work for the whole time after lunch and all that for a packet of fish ball noodle.. i was cursing and swearing and told my colleagues that i'm never gonna tabau for them.. (i'm joking of coz!) but i was really sore inside!

headed off to bishan after work.. went to the CC to withdraw from that yoga course that i signed up for..Yeah!! i got the full refund!! met shuyu and her friend for a while and headed off for dinner with a ex-phs schoolmate, kelvin (or xiao ping guo as many know him as).. just a simple dinner at sakae and headed right home after that.. i'm so beat! almost time for bed.. cant seem to get enough sleep these days.. *yawn*

My apologies..

i was bugged by this lady today and she was trying to sell me this dinning card for $184 or something.. cant hear properly, but im not interested in those crap.. she kept bugging and bugging.. she got my contact from edwin lee.. Edwin.. u are going to get it from me when i see you the next time.. must compensate me 2 games of billard for the time i spent talking to her.. called me so many times and to have my mobile ringing in the midst of a meeting with my boss!!

anyway, back to the main topic. To get her off my shoulders, i gave her the numbers to 2 of my friends.. Raphael and Jacklyn.. haha. I just wanna say a big SORRY to the both of them.. oh well.. isnt this an experience to enrich your lives? haha..

Okie okie.. treat you 2 each a meal the next time i see you all (not in decemeber tho!). I hope you weren't very angry for what i did. :)

time to get back to work... *buzzing off*

Christmas spirit is in the air..

It's been a busy week thus far.. work is the same, but im heading out to meet friends each day after work for some activities..

Had fun buying loads and loads of presents on tuesday and it left me feeling really broke. I don't know how to survive the rest of the month, especially since not even 1/3 of the month has passed. I really santa will be popping by my house to drop me some money..

Tomorrow's is Ivy's birthday celebration!! We are holding a small gathering cum party for her at david's house and on top of that, we have decided to have the Christmas gifts exchange in case we wont be able to meet up for Christmas. Looking forward to the event tomorrow, sure will have loads of fun preparing the food and everything for the steamboat that we are intending to have. Besides,, im gonna have presents!! How exciting! *wondering what present i'll have...* (haha, i already know most of it since they asked me what i wanted.. but pei's present will be something that i'm looking forward to since i have no idea what it's gonna be...)

I signed up for a yoga course yesterday, but i'm gonna try to see if i can get a full refund for the money i paid yesterday. Was supposed to go for it with Shuyu at Bishan CC and after i signed up, wenjing & ivy both said they were too interested, but couldnt accomodate to the timing coz it was too early and too rush for them after work.. after much research and discussion, they have decided to take the one in Toa Payoh community centre instead..and i'll have to withdraw from the one i signed up.

Oh well.. Im praying.. since i'm so broke.. i wanna take every single cent that i paid for the course back.

It's now lunch time and im taking a breather off from work.. but time to go..

Till i pen again.. please do miss me.. hahaha..

Post purchase dissonance..

The weekend has been a whizz.. it's always the case when i have to work on saturday.. i finally have decided to go ahead and buy the dream phone that i have been eyeing on.. for at least the last 6 months..

here's a photo of it for those who still dunno which phone i'm talking about..



I was accompanying wei to check out the m1 plans at the stores when i saw this huge poster outside the shop. nokia 7610 going for $398! I immediately told wei that i'm gonna buy it. NOW and jumped into the queue.. i was just asking david days ago on whether i can get one at the lowest possible price..waited for eons, but the price never seemed to drop much..

waited for a long time in the queue.. finally my turn.. and wei have decided to buy the same phone as me.. :) i'm as excited as i can be.. only to be told that i've to clear my outstanding phone bill before i'm allowed to sign up the contract..

stayed in the shop for a long time.. and by the time we got out.. it was pretty late.. we decided to head home.. i realised in the car that my handset was faulty!! the down button doesnt work at times.. and i made wei U-turn back to the shop from amk..(yeah, we are almost home!) the guy simply refused to change for me.. *angry* mentioned that i opened too many applications causing the fault!! Went away quite pissed but was determined to change the phone somehow..

was so demoralised the whole time after that.. made a call to m1 customer service and decided to change the phone today.. headed off to sun plaza and changed the phone.. no questions asked. I like this guy that helped me today.. he's more helpful, friendly and polite. and yes, i finally had the chance to play with the phone after lunch!! *yipee*

it's time for bed.. im so tired after my language class.. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. meeting shuyu & wj @ bishan for another shopping spree.. buying xmas pressies.. im going so broke.. anyone has got spare cash to donate??

Badminton crazy..

i have decided to change my lifestyle a little these days.. enriching it with more sporty activities and spur my adrenaline a little. I have been trying to go swimming as often as i can.. heading off for the pool again tomorrow.. but not sure if my arm will be able to take up the task..

today is a pretty hectic day and my shoulders are really tired from lugging a huge bag (shoes, clothes, towels, badminton racket, work stuff etc), from my house to my office, from my office to NTUC centre @ Marina Boulevard via the train, and then to Thomson CC, off to this little badminton court somewhere in kebau bahru (don't know if its spelt this way), and then all the way back home. Wow! Im pretty amazed by myself for struggling that far, especially when i had to carry it and stand through the whole media presentation (1.5hrs) at NTUC in 2.5" heels. I feel like my legs are on the verge of breaking.

It's been more than 10 years since i last played badminton. The last time i recalled playing was in primary school, either pri 5 or 6. boy, that was really a long time and i had to borrow a racket from cynthia for the game today. My racket is in bad shape after so many years of storage.

Met up with wj, david, ck & shuyu for the badminton game. Started off trying to remember how to play.. and after a while, got the hang of it.. i guess its like cycling, you wont forget how to cycle even after years of not practising. played a total of 3 hours.. and i strained my arm a little.. i can only blame myself for over-exerting myself and not warming up before the game.

im so beat that i could just doze off this moment.. but i cant sleep with my hair wet. It's gonna give me a headache. i feel so miserable when i think abt waking up early and heading for work just 6 hours later. argh!!

Oh, i had a pleasant surprise today and it caused my heart to skip a beat, flutter a little and was on cloud nine just moments later. I was looking for the toilet in change alley when i bump into a familiar face right in front of me. Gawd, it's wei! i entered into a state of shock, then broke into a smile and enter the state of elation. It's surprising that tho we see each other each week, my heart still beats when i see him on the streets. Isnt this such an amazing thing? It's like, when there isnt any anticipation, expectation or knowledge of it.. the whole thing turns out so pleasantly surprising. After knowing him for 10 years, i have only bumped into him twice on the streets, and each time, i get the exact same feeling! This is such a valuable experience. Something that i would treasure in the months and years to come, and perhaps teach me to be someone who can be easily contented.

It's time for bed. cant stand it anymore.. night all sleeping pals. sweetie dreams..

Back in the scene..

my computer is finally up and running again!! I'l be blogging more often when i have the time.. but i'll need to first dig out all the information that i have in the old hard disks and everything.. i do hope i can get my pictures back.. they are SO dear to me..

I was totally glued to the TV the moment i got home today.. yeah, you got it. Singapore idol.. i cant believe wei actually called me up and we kept talking about the show. im not a staunch supporter of either.. so im not exactly feeling emotional when the results was released.. I really felt either of them could win.. Taufik's voice was definately better, but sly has got that appeal that made his fan keep voting him in.. oh well... it's finally over (it means that i'll have more time to myself then - with one less programme to watch)..

gawd, im so damn pissed with my brother for downloading so much stuff and hogging up my internet connection. i hardly can surf the net!! the frustrations are setting in.. and im getting really tired. i should be in bed at this hour..

i got to go.. will blog about the past happenings when i have more time.. sayonara!