a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

knots in my heart..

i'm feeling frustrated at this very moment. very frustrated in fact. i dunno how i should descibe my feeling, but its so sucky that im ready to hit someone up.

i guess the only way for me to ease my frustrations is to blog, and here i am hitting hard and away on this poor little keyboard.

why issit that life is so complicated at times? why is it that it cant be a simple affair where everyone knows that's going on everywhere? what exactly is the word trust? what happens when u feel that you might have been betrayed? why is it so hard to learn to trust? why do people have secrets? why is the need for secrets?

it's a long weekend and im not happy. i got to work tomorrow.. I'm supposed to be off, but i decided to be kind and help a colleague who have arranged a trip and have to apply for a day's leave should i not change my schedule with him. it makes me wonder, should i be kind? why cant the rest of the people out there be kind? so what if im kind? i seemed to end up being unhappy in other aspects of life.

at this very spur of the moment.. i suddenly feel like going clubbing.. and drown my sorrows in drinks.. and forget what the world is about and forget abt all that's on my mind.. but is that possible? will i do it? why aint i the happy go lucky person i used to be anymore?

is there a price to pay for everything? im so confused. i feel like breaking down. i feel like hiding. urgh!