a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

blowing up like a hot air balloon

came home feeling better and trying to get some peace for myself. studied a little of jap and was feeling fine when all of a sudden.. my mum made a comment when my brother came home..

she went (shouting),"you si xing xie. ni men huh, BU YAO YI ZHI GENG WO MAI XING XIE!" in a really accusing manner (and i was the only person left in the living room & bro's already in his room with the door shut). in that very instance, i feel a wave of heat rising in me. i hate being accused, especially since i wasn't the one who bought the shoes.. and she was facing me shouting out aloud. how many times do i have to tell her that she SHOULD NOT ACCUSE ME when i didnt do anything wrong? Why cant she just keep it to scolding my brother? why must she shout? why cant she use a nice tone and comment instead? why must she ALWAYS address us together?

-fuming-

i mean, i tried explaining to her many times that when i'm not the one that committed the act/crime, don't accuse me. I DON'T LIKE TO BE ACCUSED. so u can imagine how mad i am. did i mentioned that i hate being shouted at to? i cant express how much i LOATHE it.

now she's slamming the remote controls and that makes me madder.

what a spoiler. sometimes, i just don't understand why my family is the way it is. Why doesnt my mum learn to communicate? why cant we communicate? why did my family turn out to be the way it is.. was it b'coz something went wrong earlier while i was younger? and that my generation now has to bear the consequences?

i'm beginning to think my mum is such a sore person. i hardly see her happy. grumpy all day, and complain all day. someone should teach her to let go and learn to be happy.

i wish i am hermione (harry potter character) in this instant. shift my computer into my room with a wave of magic to escape into the soothing atmosphere of my room. escape reality.

anyway, i was talking to a fren from states this evening when he made a comment abt one of my fren's blog. He gave me a whole new perspective from the things he said and i appreciate it loads. Interesting perception that i was blinded of. I don't know if i should say this here. could affect quite a number of people.. but what the heck, this is MINE blog. shall write what i deem fit.

someone, batantly expressed his love for me on his blog and i didnt REALISE it till my friend told me. duhz. someone that i know for a long while, but just felt that there's no chemisty. i felt awkward.. and became panicky.. and wondered abt wei's feelings and if i should do anything to avoid the chance of him chancing that blog. was rattling off my tots to my fren till he told me to calm down and relax. and that i should feel happy knowing that there's someone out there.. loving me. and that i shouldnt worry too much, coz if my boy sees the blog, he'll feel proud. will he? Hmm.. *smiles*

suddenly made me feel like a worrying wart. well..it seems, all is well and fine..

[ all names are left out to preserve confidentiality. if u wanna kpo, find out on your own means. =P ]