a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

it seems like end of the world now..

I was awoken to loud voices this morning. I woke and found many unfamilar faces in my house at 7+ in the morning. it took me a while to realise.. that my last pillar of support that i needed badly now has been taken away. my world is shattered.. and the pieces are all over that i cant piece them back alone.

as much as i wanna remain strong for those who needs me.. the girl in me wants to cry out loud. why? why must all the sad/unhappy/bad things all happen at the same time? im bewildered. i can feel myself trembling hard inside, but trying to put up a strong front outside. i think, i might have given myself away coz i was trembling so hard. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes and im willing it back. i wish i had someone to go to, but no one else is left and i couldnt get wei on the phone.

thought of just staying at home and not heading for work. but as i stood there, i came to a decision to head for work nonetheless. I'll need my leave very soon in the next couple of days or weeks and i cant afford to waste it.

i'm in a daze and i still cant believe what i saw this morning. i wish i could turn back the time. it's all like an unbelieveable story. I wish i have more people to turn to, i wish things would just remain the same as they have always been. i wish, i could have all the people close to my heart back with me in my house.

will there be light at the end of the tunnel? i feel defeated, especially when i think about the tough road ahead.