a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

mental and physical strained out..

everything has been such a whirl in the last 2 days that the little girl in me is being forced to grow up instantly.

things has hit me so fast that i hardly can breathe. i cant go to work, and i have to be there when people needs me. i'm actually on the verge of nervous breakdown. i have never ever felt so tired and i cant even close my eyes to rest. my tears has never stung me so hard and yet, i have to hold them back and put up a strong front. i havent ate a decent meal as yet in the last 48 hours.. in fact, i didnt even have a meal. only biscuits and some bread to curb my hunger pangs.

although being the youngest in the situation, suddenly everyone around me seemed to act like kids. i can only say it has shocked them so much, and hit them so hard that they simply lost it and became nonsensical, and as much as i want to be like that too, i cant. i got to be there to make sure everyone goes through it well. i want to break down and sob, but it wont bring the situation any better. i can only start sobbing behind closed doors, where no one can hear me, or see me.

in the last 2 days.. all my priorities changed in the instant things hit me. its amazing isnt it? its not a choice. i hadnt had a choice.

it is in situations like this that i realise.. everything else seemed so minor. the things that i used to get angry about, i dont even have the time to bother about it now. it is in situations like this.. that i realise.. the amount of really nice and caring friends that i have. willing to lend help even tho they have not a single clue what is going on.

friends, those who has sms, msn, call me, talked to me.. you have made such an impact on my life that i truly appreciate it loads. your simple msg simply brings a cheer to my face and a flash of sunshine in my gloomy days.

the worst is yet to be over. i see more heart-wrenching days ahead, but for this moment, at least i can stop a while and take a breather.

my advise for the day, always think before you act. a moment of folly is not worth whatever's coming up ahead and start planning your financials before you find yourself in a situation that you get so lost about.

i might not blog as often anymore. it depends on how the situation goes..