a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

non-existence..

i wonder if many realised my non-existence on the net for the whole of yesterday, other than the short entry i posted.

my office com is up and running and all the programs are gone. yes, including msn and i havent had the time to install anything back and msn is the least of my priorities. and the best part is.. in my haste of back-uping my files, i copied the wrong files for my outlook express and didnt realise it. and yes, i lost all my contacts in my email and shucks! i don't know how to explain it should my boss ask me about the past correspondence. but that, seemed a minor problem to me at this point of time.

it was a very busy day, with everyone breathing down my neck wanting everything to be done and i had to wait till after lunch before i could work on my terminal. and of coz, i also had to spend time transferring my documents back and no one seemed to empathize with my situation and kept bugging me. i couldnt say i was in the best of my moods coz every single moment, i wished i could smash a chair into someone's face. and things were made worse with the constant ringing of my phone and my "boss" constantly on the line asking me for the stuff. as if by talking to me constantly would speed up my work. it only did the contrary.

someone did missed me. heh. shuyu sms me and asked if im at work. that's at least a sign that someone is wondering abt me. of cos, it also had to do with the fact that i was supposed to hang out with them later in the night.. but i missed the dinner date in the end, coz i was in my office alone till 7.30pm at night! i only managed to join them for karaoke at around 10pm. everyone from the office left at 5.30pm and i couldnt. i could, but i know i would delay people's work without my input and in the end, mess up my reputation even further with someone who OBVIOUSLY practice favouritism (even tho he says he doesnt!).

the dinner date started at marina south when i was still in the office. and it'll take me abt an hr and a half to reach and stepping out of the place at 7.30pm, i would reach at 9pm and everyone should be full by then. and yes, i refused to take a cab. wont waste money unnecessarily.

i also realised im very soft-hearted. and it leading me into more heartaches. as much as i swore to myself that i wont asnwer his calls, i eventually did after letting it ring for sometime. urgh! and i am filled with regrets thereafter. had a not so pleasant dinner with him and someone else seated at the dinner table and i was like a vase most of the time oblivious to them, listening to their constant conversations abt their work, their colleagues, their exchanges on ideas and the people around them.. am getting quite sick abt these senarios, but i can do nothing but curse under my breath or getting myself into a daze staring at the surroundings while munching on my tasteless food. anyway, the night ended in a fit of quarrels which effects bore into today. maybe i should be hard-hearted. maybe it's time i learn. can anyone teach me please? -sigh-