a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

long awaited..

been wanting to blog for the past few days. too busy, too tired, no time to spare, no mood, all sorts of conditions that stopped me from blogging.

headed for dinner with yihui & jiahui. the 3 of us were reminiscing abt the past. about school. the people we know there.. and yes, gossip gossip gossip. what else can girls do when they get together? and it trailed off to the topic of results, the subjects and the degree of distinctions (DOD)..

the discussion went off with us discussing if our dods are valuable.. since 3/4 of ur class got it.. touched on the competitiveness of the classmates and the 'kiasuism' spirit that was constantly felt.. and yihui told me something that i didnt know about. that our class made the history in sim. being the 1st B class to get better results than the usual A class students.. and the first time the top student was from B class.. who is a double award winner (specialization and overall).. and being the first batch of B class students grabbing so much DODs that almost the whole class got it? and it got me thinking that my class was indeed a cool bunch.. even tho i was constantly cursing at their competitiveness against the classmates while i was back in school.

it just felt really good to be talking abt the past. it's been almost 2 years ago. time really flies man. i wish, i could be back in school in this instance.



i had a really belated birthday dinner session with raphael & victor + gf (karine) tonight at newton. somehow, it wasnt as fun. i guess tohtoh wasnt around to fuel the laughter and our jokes were more decent since karine was ard. hee. but still, thankful of the guys for forking out the time for the dinner. appreciate it loads man! *wink*

i have been wondering abt something in the last few days.. got me all puzzled up and wondering what went wrong. and now, i suddenly realised that i might have caught myself in a situation that i never wanted and never thought i would be in. im kinda crushed. a little loss, a little worried. will i be able to go through it? will things still remain the same? is my life going to change from this point onwards? what will my decision be? fuck man. i really don't know. and i don't feel like sharing with anyone yet. maybe only my orangey little old dog. stress is begining to mount within me. *sobs*