a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

a tad blue? a little still..

i havent been blogging anything significant lately. there hasnt been much exciting news abt my life either. i'm still searching for a rainbow to inject my life with energy.. and that rainbow has to come within me.

i have been unduly worried late last week. and all that incessant worrying has come to a naught. and so, my life isnt gonna change afterall and everything just falls back to where it is. i heave a sigh of relief as i start to reflect on the incident and learn from it. it was a valuable experience afterall.

i tried packing my room a little and rounding up the old clothes to be thrown or given away. halfway into the exercise and im itching all over. my eczema is flaring up all over my legs.. and i scratched a little here and there.. now, it's gotten worst and slightly swollen. shucks. what have i done man... but it's really torturing me!

i wish i could make my life a little more exciting by packing it with dinners and activities after work, but i am so darn broke that i havent got a single clue on how i am going to survive till pay day. in the midst of this, someone told me something today. something that i wasnt looking forward to, but expected. and so, it's seems pretty sure now...

it hasnt thrown me into a frenzy, and i'll do my work all the same. with the same amount of dedication, if not more. at the same time, looks like i got to open up my options and start looking around huh? not that it hasnt been in my agenda, but i was just postponing it. there are also other issues that tug at my heartstrings. sigh. no perfect senario to anything right? take a step and walk a day. and i'll learn as i walk.

i posted a locked entry on livejournal. it's not a frequent thing that i decided to post an entry there and not here, so it's actually quite sacred. just a little sensitive stuff but those existing in my friends list get to read it anyway.. let me what ya think, ya? thanks...