a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

my weekend..

after one week of silence, im back for short entries. find out abt my weekend on my livejournal

down

i got hit and im surrendering. i hate to say this but i need to escape. from reality. at least for a while.

i have a few more hours left. and i'll be crippled without a computer. my xp is expiring and im getting a new com soon. just dunno when.

anticipating, but not too excited. a new com comes with an equal amount of expectation on work performance as well as results.

im contemplating to switch to livejournal soon. somehow, i guess there are many issues that i prefer to keep private abt and livejournal allows me to lock my entries.

i guess i wont be blogging here often anymore. who knows, i might pop back as my mood swings. but, you still can find me here.

Mute

that's what i am now. and fighting a throat infection. i went to bed last night feeling so sick and sucking a lemon strepcils.

i woke this morning, mute. barely a croak left on my voice. my first reaction was, of coz, to stay in bed and wanting to declare mc. im sick, i'm really am. the cough monster is not leaving me either. but i struggled to work, just cos jasmine is making us kong ba bao for lunch. yeah, u can say im greedy but the mc can come after the kong ba bao. hee. did i mention this? i'm gonna be on half day mc on friday and full day on monday? that's one of the reasons why i came.

i got work to clear and have so many MCs for the last 10 days. that is a good reason not to go on mc anyway. i doubt i'll have any more days left for medical leave. the fever is rising and i just hope i can survive thru the day.

remember my entry on the show "缘来就是你"? the mediacorp people came yesterday! gosh.. i was strolling around in the office, wanting to discuss something with my colleague when my superior walked in and shouted,"Cherie!! the mediacorp people are here!!"

-faints-

i looked at them and shouted,"no no, not me!", and walked away to check something with my colleague. how embarassing. and they actually walked to where i was. damn. i dun remember what happened after that. it became a war between the colleagues aiming at each other. and they left to check on the production people. phew!

argh! i wish i could just collapse here on my desk and take a nap. my burning eyes are closing, and im fighting the lids. getting goosepimples all over and feeling cold chill running down my body. i hate the feeling of being sick, but then, who would love to be sick anyway?

i better get on ploughing through my work. i dont think i'll be working for a while for this weekend.

scratchy throat

my eyes is starting to burn and my throat is itchy. making me cough ever so often.

2 hours of sleep and a tiring morning. im beat. fatigue is begining to set in. 8 more hours to go before i can be back in the comfort of my room.

the weekend was great. badminton was cool. but i needed to sweat more. who's game for play? invite me. i need to workout badly. im getting fatter, despite me watching my diet. looks like my metabolism rate is decreasing. evidence of me getting fat. my belly button is harder to clean now!

i'm gonna work out a exercise regime and stick to it. swimming, badminton, jogging and abs exercises. been reading a blog of a triathlete, and getting really inspired. hee. yeah, wait 5 mins and check back on my enthusiam yeah?

the mind is really a powerful tool. i can make myself work hard and forgot about the fatigue. i can also procrastinate and become tired. for now, i'm overwhelmed by too much work. argh!

for a long time in my history, i was actually enjoying myself at dbl 0. something that i didnt think i would. the crowd was big. everyone was friendly. lotsa booze and the music reminded me of mambo. some familiar faces, some foreign. all came with the same objective. and i'd NEVER taken so much photos at a nightspot. The cammie was just clicking away without anyone's knowledge and i admit. i am a cam whore. haha. i popped into many pictures and pose without knowing the people behind me.

i drank quite a bit, which is super unusual coz i usually dont drink. and i drove, but got home safely. thankfully joshua and his gf didnt freak out at my driving. haha.

spent hours chatting with a friend on msn last nite. and ended up sleeping so little eventually. but im really glad we talked. loaded loads off my mind and set me in the right perspective, so im quite a happy girl today!

japanese class tonight again! おもしろいね(omoshiroi ne)！ 3 more lessons to go and im ready for the intermediate course. not sure if i should go for it since i seemed to be lagging. gotta discuss with yeetat man.. okie. time to clear work again..

spent.

i spent the last 2 hrs editing the photos. time for bed. i shouldnt be up so late. check out the pictures first, and i'll blog in the morning.

a minute of fame?

for the past few days, one of my superiors have been joking with me about appearing on "缘来就是你".. he keep telling me he has got the contact and wants me to go for it. i thought he was cracking a lame joke on me. and i played along and say.. "ya ya ya.."

just a minute earlier.. my superior passed me his handphone. i talked to this girl on the phone. cant remember the name.. some jiayi or someting. oh my god. so it's for real and it freaked the hell outta me. huh? do i look like i need help in making friends? -faints- and it doesnt help when ALL my colleagues told me to go for it. shouting in the background while i was on the phone with the girl. i very awkwardly told the girl i had a bf. and no, i have not registered. and she told me to TRY.

gosh. i dunno what to say. i dont really need new friends tho i dun mind making new ones. but appearing on national tv is just too much for me to make friends. and friends of the opposite sex. i can start imagining what raphael, victor and the rest of my guys friends will hurl at me. haha. they'll prob. be pissed to a certain extent. haha.

i rejected the girl. my 6 year relationship is at stake. although it did sounded fun and something really outta the norm, i had to think abt wei's feeling. would i really wanna rock the status quo for the sake of some fun? i think not. besides, the opportunity should be given to someone who really needs it, i.e. single.

alright, so anyone's interested? I can try to get you on the program. males and females alike, aged 20+, single. let me know alrite? have a nice weekend.

worried

i got a call from the hospital. my test results are out. i need to make a trip to the hospital sometime next week. and i heard, i need to be on medication. :(

it's friday night, and im sitting here at my com back at home.
how boring. someone date me. sigh.

anyways anyways, here's the photos that i missed out.

=(

pei just told me that we wont be able to wakeboard on this coming sun. its all fully booked. awwww.. so sad.

but still, we booked a 2 hr slot for next sun! heh heh.. -excited-

it's such a hot day and im perspiring all over after coming back from lunch. a little sleepy as i settle into my little comfort zone. time to clear the paper clutter.

jittery

it was a bad headstart for today. i'm now in jitters and i am unable to calm down. i woke this morning with the dismay that i fell asleep last night without my morning alarm. and i am indeed late again. for almost an hr. at the bus stop, i looked for my ipod and the earpiece is missing. i must have left the ear piece on the bed. *sigh* went on to read my book.. and the bus took almost 10 mins to come. i must have missed the earlier one by a minute or half. my face is pale. i didnt put on any rouge today in the hurry to leave the house.

in the bus, i was jolted by a loud shouting! i turned and half expected 2 people fighting, but there were none. everyone was turning their heads. there was a man covering his mouth and mumbling something in a language foreign to me. i went back to my book and it wasnt before long that i was startled again by the shouting. i was so engrossed in my book that i actually jumped out of my seat several times. the mad man was seated somewhere right behind me. i felt kinda scared. his voice was alternating between a highly pitched animated childlike but soft voice and another manly, angry and super loud voice. it's was like an internal battle between himself and for a moment i wondered if he was schizophrenic. i thought of changing my seat, but there wasnt any spare seats left. it's really scary and till the moment i alighted the bus, he was still in his own battle, oblivious to the stares around him. i remember catching a glimpse of the bus driver staring too. it was a bendy bus and the madman was seated at the back section. u can start imagining how loud it was.

from the moment i alighted till the next half an hr in the office, i was literally shaking from the event. i have no idea why, but i just didnt feel calm and couldnt be at ease. im feeling fine now, thanks to a designer who popped into my cubicle suddenly and sat down for a discussion that i wasnt aware of and my senses all went into churning something out for him.

in the event of the dengue fever running the highest ever in history, i am so proud to announce that i killed 2 mozzies in the bathroom yesterday. i flushed 1 down the toilet bowl while it was hovering at the water surface and slam the other against the wall. it laid peacefully and very much flatten in my palms. although they both dont belong to the dengue family, but it's just too bad. dengue mozzies or not, mozzies are still my enemies if they can sting me.

it's friday! and im looking forward to the weekend coz it's gonna be such a healthy weekend for me! im heading for badminton right after work tomorrow and wakeboarding on sunday with pei! Whee!! im so excited with the wakeboarding! anyone interested in joining? i do hope we do get to go.. and it's raf's bdae celebration on sat nite! i predict party and booze. not exactly to my liking but anything for a fren's bdae.

i need to watch my back too often and i better stop here. i have photos for more viewing!




argh! i realised one of the collages didnt get uploaded properly and i am unable to show it here. :( well, will pop them in tonite if im home. everybody, have a great weekend ya?

stoned

a bad dream. a sleepless night. a tired body. how great can my day just get?

im yawning nonstop! i wanna sle.......e..........p.

random shots..

check the photos. enough said.

life..

im not sure if i can finish this blog entry in peace. or will be interrupted by all the other things that seek my attention. but i needed to blog, and blog i will.

i was having lunch with michie at the new national library yesterday, and we were talking abt life in general, the people around us and blogs and day to day issues. and one of her friend that committed sucide.

today, i read the blog of her fren that committed sucide. truely inspiring. much thought have been put into each and every entry of hers and touched my heart even tho i do not know her at all. life is just vulnerable, isnt it?

i empathise and share her views of privacy. my mum does rummages through my stuff as well. not to the extent of an everyday event, but i still didnt like it. there are many other things that i didnt like abt my mum that i think she should change, like standing at the window peeping at me in the dark when wei sends me home. she pretends to act nonchalant when i got home, but i caught her with the corner of my eyes and it doesnt help when she dims the lights and continue peeping. an annoying act i should say. but i never quite knew how to talk to her abt it.

i do also have experiences of someone, who is not blood related to me, rummages through all my belongings, to my shopping bags right down to what's in my wallet. im not telling who the person is. people who are close enough should be able to guess. and yes, im totally PISSED abt it but what can i say? i can only be thankful that it doesnt happen much nowadays. i do also make an extra effort to keep my stuff away from her.

and i wondered, why cant we have control of everything in our lives? choosing what will happen and what wont? would that then limit what we will become as individuals then? and break our learning curves when the lazy me decide that i shall be left alone to rot at home? controlling people of their actions that will not cause any unpleasantness to us? will we then, truely be happy? im getting incoherent.. i know.. i just wanted to say that in life, many things happen for a reason.. some within our control and some aren't, and we should try to be happy for every day of ur lives and move on, no matter how things try to get you down.

i know i can't do it either, but i'll promise myself that i'll at least try to do what i just said earlier...

i have been on medical leave for the last 2 days. many have been wondering what is wrong with me. i dont really wish to share.. but i almost couldnt walk on sunday, and aborted all previous plans of movie and shopping. went to the clinic straight and was exasperated when there were at least 15 people in the queue. wei drove me around yishun looking for another and each bump and jerk of the car accentuated the pain. i had to limp around the whole chong pang looking for a clinic and was on the verge of tears. i couldnt walk, but struggled hard. all the worst possible senarios that might happened flashed in my mind, and i felt so vulnerable. just when i gave up, squatted down and breaking down to cry.. there was a 24 hr clinic opposite the road. the glimpse of hope gave me the energy to hop across the road and see the doc.

bad news from the doc, wanted to give me a jab for the pain which i refused (was thinking abt the $$ at the back of my mind) and gladly accepted the painkillers which i had to swallow. 5 pills. 3 times a day. and a referral letter another doctor.

spent the rest of the night limping around, bearing the excruciating pain. popped the pills religiously and managed to grab quite a bit of sleep. the pills kept the pain away for a day. i tried to book an appt with KK hospital, but the earliest appointment was on tues morning. i took it and i headed to the hospital alone the next day. did some tests and doctor couldnt figure out what is wrong with me until the tests results are out.. (what the hell?!?) and i am to go back again sometime next week, for more tests. :(

and despite getting my pay check on monday, the doctor's fees has already drained me financially. and i cant bear to think abt what's coming next week. wish me luck my friends, and i know its kinda selfish to ask, but pray for me too.

in the midst of typing this post, i was delivered another shock by pei. i was told one of my good friend broke off with her bf. and it's been months, yet we hadnt had a clue. and pei actually found out from a friend whom was really far away in terms of closeness. yes, the words spread.. but not to us. i hadnt believed it. in the last few months, i have seen them together time and time again. and they always came in a pair. i guess i was visually clouded by what i saw and troubled by what i heard. so much for good friends that we claimed to be.

i guess i havent been putting in much effort to the friendship and finding out about her life. i took it as everything is fine when the status quo didnt seemed different. beneath the facade that she build, lies the truth that i didnt see. i wish i had paid more time to her, spent more time having dinner with her and talked to her more on msn.

double sigh.

and it was such a coincidence earlier. i was talking to pei on her mobile. the line got cut off when she entered the lift. (she then met kelvin in the lift..) and when i called her back a min later, kelvin called me! (to tell me he met pei..) and i had to juggle 2 phone calls and imagine the burst of laughter pei & me had. so qiao!

-grinning away-

lunch was fantastic. fred and jasmine prepared spag and we had chocolate fondue as desserts. simply fantastic. took photos and will load them up tonight or tomorrow along with the pictures taken over the last few days..

and before i end this entry.. turtle, here's a tribute to you.. Happy (Belated)Birthday!! Forgive me that i cant blog yesterday..

time to spare?

(Click here if you are bored..)

yes, im bored!

15 minutes to knock off.. check out the harry potter quiz that i did to amuse myself!

You scored as Oliver Wood. You're an extremely hard worker. When you set a goal for yourself, you tend to be reckless about it. You're not a sucker for pain in the slightest. When you win something, you love to brag about it and shower in your glory. But sometimes it's best to let go of all this and just concentrate on having fun. Oliver Wood 84% Severus Snape 81% Ron Weasley 81% Neville Longbottom 75% Draco Malfoy 75% Sirius Black 69% Luna Lovegood 63% Harry Potter 63% Bellatrix Lestrange 63% Lord Voldemort 63% Hermione Granger 59% Albus Dumbledore 56% Percy Weasley 56% Remus Lupin 41% Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test created with QuizFarm.com

and gawd, for a moment.. i cant remember who oliver is. and i cant believe it coz im such a potter fan! *smacks my own head* anyone care to enlighten me before i rush back home and ransack the books to find the answer?

feeling lazy

these days.. i feel like im in hibernation. i keep dozing off.. and drift in and out of sleep very often. and i cant seemed to get enough, which is weird. and i didnt get a headache for lying down too much, which is extremely rare since i have low blood pressure.

the Project superstar finally ended on thursday and i was right on about the winner. *grinz* after being glued to the tv for 4+ hours, i personally feel that Kelly definitely performed better. in terms of voice quality and variety, kelly was better. it also helped that kelly had much more to offer in terms of costumes and dance with the various different 造型. the performance was more engaging, but at the end of it all.. it's a competition and the person who appeals more to the mass win.

the fans of kelly was very innovative with their costumes tho. especially the mummies. haha.. made me laugh big time..

oh, i remember i mentioned about taking photographs of the 算盘子 that mum cooked. but..but.. i was so engaged in eating the other day that i remembered only after the meal. oOops.

the other day, i bought a cake for mum since it was her birthday. jasmine didnt have anyone to eat dinner with and i promised her that i'll accompany her for a short dinner at northpoint. but, i had to put the cake back home first which was 2 bus stops away. and i was truly made fun of by the weather.

the weather was perfectly fine 2 bus stops before my house. and then just 1 bus stop before, it suddenly started pouring real badly. but i really had to put the cake home, so i ran in the rain, totally drenched. ran past this topless guy that was seeking shelther in the pavilion just next to the basketball court. didnt really take notice coz i was such a mess myself and jasmine was waiting.

got home, changed and rushed out with a huge umbrella, only to realise that the rain has STOPPED. completely! u can imagine how exasperated i was. and i went home again to deposit the brolly. just as i walked past the basketball court heading out.. someone shouted.. "Ziiiiiiii huiiiiiii!" omg. it was the same guy at the pavilion. i wondered who it was, but waved anyway..

and as i continued my journey.. gosh. that guy. was my primary school friend. not just any primary school friend, but someone who claims to be my boyfriend back then. i dont remember agreeing to be his gf, but didnt minded a bit since we were really close and i really liked him. and yeah, u can kinda consider him my first love but i never quite knew when it started and ended.. my thoughts then turned into horror. alamak! how embarassing to have ran past him, totally drenched, hair in a mess and all.. and ignored him.

on my way back home, he was still at the basketball court but didnt spot me coming home. thank god. saved me the awkwardness. hee.. but i did send him a sms afterwards out of courtesy and asked how he was. and i found out, i smashed the cake a little while running in the rain. :(

dinner with mich was cancelled last min. altho i was looking forward to it.. i guess work's more impt. and yes, i spent the whole evening and night in bed with a good read. and drifting in and out of sleep.

mixed feelings..

i just got a little piece of news again. depressing.

another one of them is leaving. 3 more days.. it's really time i should start thinking abt my future. gear up to get something done. open my eyes and to see.

it's looming near, and i can tell.

someone gave me a treat a ding tai fung yesterday. Whee! it's so nice getting free meals all the time. it does help when im popular! haha *dodge whoever's trying to ah-bish me*

but frankly, i still prefer the 小龙包 at Crystal jade. the juice will just ooze out when you bite on it. it was my first trip to ding tai fung.. and yuxiong was telling me.. there are exactly 18 folds on each of the 小龙包.. pardon my ignorance, but i didnt know that. i counted, and it's REALLY 18 folds!! gosh, so delicate work on a small little bun. but, it still didnt impress me when i sinked my teeth in.

the coffee thereafter is relaxing and calming. we sat at Dome at the bishan community centre with tai chi music playing in the background. unknown to us.. as the night proceed on.. the seat we were at, was right in the centre front of the tai chi practice. gosh! everyone seemed to be looking at us. ha!

i never spent so much time looking at people practising tai chi. calms my nerves a little till they started drawing swords. Oops. and we eventually left the place coz the air was getting too still and hot.

we ended up strolling for an hr around bishan. i shouldnt call that a stroll..we ended up at a rather quick pace, not sure why. beads of sweats trickling down our brows and me, being on heels.. i had sore feet thereafter. =(

kinda a stupid act i admit. but it's fun and i think we covered at least 3.5km. i wouldnt mind doing it again if im wearing flats.

i was feeling grouchy this morning when i woke. eyes puffy and all. not sure why the puffiness but it was definitely not a nice feeling. throat's been quite sore recently and the flu/cough bug seemed to be hitting me soon. and then came the million dollar question in my mind.. to work or not to work?

with great determination, i dragged myself outta bed. thinking that i need to accomplish much with my manager since he is heading for reservist next week. and i have just been told that he's down with sore eyes and wont be coming. urgh! *bang head on wall*

now, just imagine how sore i am today. please dont step on my toes.