a search for character.. seeking meaning of life.. losing naivete in the process..

feeling rebellious..

it's the 30th!! oh gawd.. waited for more than a month for this day. it's gonna be ivy's hens night out! wooHooo!

i just wanna party hard today, forget abt all the troubles stored in me.. get myself drunk like i never had and really let my hair down to relax. going to rush home after work, pack my stuff and check into swissotel in the afternoon.. and then.. the party begins from there. i wont be home tonight!

-takes a deep breath and sighs-

im actually feeling quite down and a little rebellious. the first thought that came to my mind today is I DONT WANT TO WORK. so, i snoozed my alarm from 7.15am all the way to 7.45am and didnt get out of bed till 8am. feeling a little pissed, i wore a super short mini skirt, a racer back tank top, a nike cap and slippers to work. even my mum is astonished at my dressing and asked, "can you wear that to work?". seriously speaking, do i look like i care?

as usual, i reached work at almost 9am, but still.. im earlier than my superior. i dun see the point in coming that early when he doesnt come that early too. hehe. working smart.

something happened last nite. something i do not wish to talk abt now. i just want to focus on finding the real cherie now. the one that has been lost somewhere as years went by..

all i have to say is this. i feel like shit when i needed to talk and ended up hearing 45mins of a 1 hr conversation instead. im not blaming you, but its a fact that things has come this way. i dont have anything else to give now. unless you fuel me up like petrol to a car (note: the fuel must match the engine, no point giving me diesel when i power up on petrol), i really need to be with myself now. i'm sorry.

alone in the office..

its lunch time and everyone has gone for lunch except me, and my superior. I wish i could have gone out with the rest, but someone has to stay in the office and i brought food and so i stayed.

those of my msn list has been asking if im fine the whole morning. hehe. i'm feeling a little down.. to be exact.. "cheng sim" is the word to describe it. im also a little lost, not really sure what i should do to address a particular issue and im hoping it wont just turn from bad to worse to point of no return. i hope to salvage it, but it take 2 hands to clap and with only my efforts, i'll only get nowhere.

anyway, im still feeling cool! so no worries abt me. one of my ex-colleague who has worked here during her poly hols last semester is back here for her attachment. she has brought me so much laughter these days that nothing is going to get me down! hehe. it's just so fun having her ard and we seemed to belong to the same species, same mentality and totally full of crap. its people like her, that made me realise that i hadnt been really happy in a long while.. just laughing at the simple pleasures in life.. even a trip on the feeder bus leaves my tummy in ache from too much laughing.

where has the happy go lucky cherie went? i need to find her back. hehe.

was chatting with eric earlier on msn and he brought a smile to my face just sending me cute emoticons. simple things like this makes me smile.

i believe im a pretty simple girl in some aspects. bringing a smile to my face is really easy. i dont need a diamond to cheer me up. here are some of the ways to cheer me up..

1. give me a stalk of flower (sunflower, daisy, tulip or gerbera)
--> a stalk is sufficient to make my day.. see? so simple!
2. write me a personalised card with sincerity and sent via snail mail
--> i would be more touched if its sent by hand, without notifying me and giving me a surprise, but this wont work now coz my letterbox is locked. heh
3. send me a sweet sms or a wacky photo mms
4. tell me a really funny joke over msn
--> this will work only when i havent heard of the joke
5. send me little gifts in the mail, erm like a sweet (like michie's hand written tag-like note that im using as book mark now)
--> sincerity counts, no matter how small

oops. got to stop now. time for me to head for lunch. here's a song that's ringing in my head the whole morning..

SOMEBODY - Depache Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

uncomfortable eyes..

my eyes hurt since i woke this morning. Not sure why and my vision seemed clouded. am constantly blinking my eyes to wade off the uncomfortable feeling.

this morning seems extremely slow and im missing the mudpie i ate as nydc last night. im craving for it again!! :(

since young, i always had the notion that i'm gonna die really young and just moments ago, i did a quiz and i guess im not too far from my notion! it says, im supposed to die at 58!!

this morning, i found out someone or maybe a couple of people, have googled for my blog using "cherieladie blogspot" as the search words. i seriously suspect its just one such person, who consistently found it convenient to find my blog in google. it makes me curious who this person is.. Hmm..

burning eyes..

my day was extremely tiring. yesterday was much worst. i initially had many things to blog about, but the moment i sat here in front of my screen.. my mind is just so blank.

i wish the days will just go pass faster, i wish may would come faster. i seemed to have spent loads of money in the last 5 days and im running so dry before i know it.

im feeling a little down. maybe its time for me to start looking at life from a brand new perspective.

heading for a quick bath and time for bed. shall write more when inspiration hits me.

packed week..

i have been religiously on time this week, tho its been only 2 days. still, its an improvement to me. i had to come on time, so many things to do in the morning rush hour here.

I started jap classes again yesterday. its getting harder and the school fees more expensive as well. but, im determined to stick to my decision and work hard. ;)

I'm gonna have a packed week. heading off to bras brasah to print some posters after lunch. might have to rush back to the office to clear some work first before meeting yiping for dinner at causeway point tonight.

i got a dinner date with michie & qunyu @ cityhall tomorrow. havent met up with qunyu for so so long!! kinda excited about meeting up.

i'm free after work on thurs for the current moment. hoping to go jogging with xiaoyan, but still waiting for her reply. hopefully can go. a little excited abt starting my jogging regime.

gotta meet up with my handsome orthodontist on friday and hopefully see him for one last time. i wouldnt want to see him again coz it'll mean my teeth aint straight, but well, i have no more money to sponser him anymore.. so even if my teeth aint perfect, i doubt i'll fix it. im not particularly obsessed with my teeth, and i put on braces for the fun of it. of coz, vanity is also plays a little part of my decision.

and it's gonna be Ivy's hens night this saturday!! hehe. the long awaited day has finally come!! i hope its gonna be a really fun night's out with all our "jie-meis". afterall, she's the first out of our gang to be married and we are all really excited abt it!! cant wait for the week to be over soon.

okie.. i got to run off for lunch now.. i doubt i'll blog again till tonight or tomorrow. hope everyone's day would be a pleasant one! Love you all!

sores and pain all over..

this post is being typed twice coz i keep losing my post even since blogspot implemented the "recover post" thingy. esp. when i edit my text.. everything below whatever i edited will be gone! urgh! stupid stupid stupid. i'll try to recall whatever i typed earlier, but i don't think it'll be as good as what i initially wrote.

i spent sat afternoon in dreamland coz i was so tired after sleeping so late the night before. was too excited abt the graduation photos and didnt realised that its so late by the time i was done. finally installed msn on my computer at work coz i was stoning and didnt feel like getting anything done. besides, most of the correspondence that i needed to deal with were off on sats.

made a resolution to exercise more since i stopped my regular swimming trips after i got so busy with yoga and my jap classes. so, with a new found kaki (ms agnes koh ;) ), i have decided to start jogging.

shopped ard for a pair of running shoes and spent $65 dollars on a simple nike pair. of coz, it also helped much that my brother was working at sports link. heheh. huge discounts! spent the rest of the night on drinks at this villa bali pub/restaurant place that's quite romantic and pool at pool fusion 3.

met pei & ray for badminton on sunday afternoon and i excitedly woke wei up, doned my usual athlete gear, put on my brand new shoes and carried the new racket that i got for christmas pressie and set out of the house. even the extremely heavy downpour didnt dampen my spirits tho it caused mud splashes on my new white shoes.

when the car pulled in at the multi-storey carpark at clementi, i got out of the car and headed down the stairs. i missed a step and fell, sprawled on the floor.

my racket hit the floor with a loud slam, my left ankle feels twisted and sprained, my palms hurt so much from the abrasion and my right knee suffered a graze wound. aww.. i tell you.. it hurt so much that tears came rolling down my cheeks even tho i was laughing so hard at my clumsiness. pei was confused and she couldnt make out whether i was laughing or i was crying.

i was in fact laughing, but the pain almost killed me. i sat there and couldnt move for a while.. and i was so upset that wei decided to answer a call (right after i fell) than tend to me!! it so happened that a police car was patrolling the carpark and they stopped the car, winded down their windows and call out and asked if im ok, and left and wei is still on the line!!

i am so mad. so upset! even the police seemed more concerned at that point of time and i refused to talk to wei even tho he tried to offer his concern after his phonecall. is that it? a phonecall is more important than me? hurmph!

okie, i sound petty. but put yourself in my shoes, the person that i needed most just walked away answering a phone call. sigh. im just so disappointed.

it was only after a while that i managed to stand up and walk. no, limp. but i still decided to play coz the pain wasnt so bad and i didnt sprain my ankle afterall. i guess it's because the bone in my left ankle is dislodged previously and it's loose so preventing the sprain. my knee hurt with every step i took, still feeling sore with wei. :( (my heart hurts more than anything else!)

i dunno what's with me or maybe im not used to the shoes. less than a minute after i stepped into the court, i tripped and tumbled on the ground while trying to hit the shuttlecork. i literally slammed on the ground and rolled. i must have created quite a stir coz pei & ray were laughing and everyone else in the surrounding courts turned to look at me. -super embarrassed-

i got up pretending it didnt hurt, but i bruised my knuckle at my right wrist, my right hip bone and my right knee. argh. how unlucky. still, i went on to play badminton for the next hr and a half.

the night ended at j8 watching infection. i wouldnt recommend anyone for that show. i came out feeling stupid (cannot comprehend the show) and swore that i'm never gonna pay for jap/korean horror movies at the cinemas again. the whole show is in japanese (tho i can understand abt 20% and random words every now and then), and i was thinking the meaning might be a little lost after the translation. wei & me were both stumped, not knowing what exactly the show meant. Infection, we don't get it. haha

sony blunders..

those closer to me would have known that i sent my cammie in for repair twice within the last month. firstly, my cammie had the problem of auto switching on/off by itself even if you left it alone on the table. secondly, my cammie suddenly couldnt zoom in the camera mode, where else i could zoom in the play mode.

anyway, the first time i sent it in for repair, i asked the guy over the counter if the zooming thing is a setting problem, coz the button couldnt have been faulty if i could zoom in/out in the play mode. He look at it, played with it and told me, no. it must be something wrong with the set. it came back without the auto switching on/off but the zoom button still aint working.

i went back to them and told them that the zooming still doesnt work, so this time, a lady over the counter sent my cammie in for repair. I asked her the same question and she too, decided that there is something wrong with the set instead of the settings.

i was reassured abt the cammie having a physical fault and was worrying about how much i had to pay for the repair this time and felt so stupid when the sony technician finally called me. here's a snapshot of our conversation.

_____
sony technician: Hi, is that ms lim?

me: uh huh. may i know who's that?

sony technician: i'm daniel, calling from sony. i understand that you sent your cammie in for repair and that the zoom button doesnt work.

me: ya, that's right

sony technician: there's nothing wrong with your camera, ms. it is because your resolution is set to the highest already, that's why you cannot zoom any further. if you reduce your resolution settings, you can zoom in/out perfectly.

me: -feeling stupid & highly embarrassed- err.. ok. thanks.

sony technician: you may pick up the camera as soon as i sent it back to the service counter.
_____

coulnt the people over the counters tell me that before sending in my cammie twice for repair when the fault doesnt exists? i am pretty sure they arent trained, not knowing how to answer even when i troubleshoot them. but, that seems so un-sony. i remembered the days when i worked there, training is a must. maybe the service centre people werent trained since all they do is paperwork and sending in the faulty sets for repair. but all the more, i think they should be trained! so that they, can give sound advices to customers who send their gadgets in for repair and people like me, have to give an administrative charge of $10.50 each time i send the cammie in for repair!! (and yes, even tho there is no repair, i still have to pay the admin charge!) maybe i should feedback that to sony.. hmm..

smiling away..

i'm full of smiles now. i have no idea why, but i wanna head for bed.. feeling really tired.

many commented that my graduation photos are nice and natural. i wouldnt describe it as natural. definite abt that. let me explain. the day i took the photos.. i truly understand how sucky a model's job can get. its not just about posing for the photos.

all those laughing photos.. i had to laugh into thin air and pretend there's something funny about it when im feeling hot and sweaty under the gown. and i got to keep spinning around the fire hydrant and running non stop for that shot.

the grass photos.. looks fun but its very uncomfortable with the grass pricking at you and you still have to smile naturally, pretending it's fun.

the shot with 2 mortar boards in the air. you wouldnt want to know how many times michie and me threw those mortars to get just 1 nice shot, not forgetting jon, wei, boy (mich's bro) & frens helping to retrieve the mortar boards 'cos we werent supposed to stray from where we were standing.

so, it all boils down to really hard work. anyone interested in working as a model now? heh.

wei broke his promise yet again. sigh.

i read this at xiaoqiang's blog some time ago.. somehow.. it struck me a little. maybe it explains a little why im so soft-hearted. -sigh-


++
Life is the process of finding love. Every person will need to find four people in their life. First person is yourself, Second person is the one you love most, Third person is the one who love you most, And the fourth, is the one you spend therest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who love you most.

When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most, doesn't love you. The one who loves you most, is never the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who loves you most. He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are you in other people life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart. At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesn't love you anymore, he really doesn't love you anymore. When he loves you, he can pretend that he doesn't.

Same goes, when he loves you no more, there is no way he can pretend he loves you. When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you, you must ask yourself if you still love him. If you also don't love him anymore, don't ever let him leave just to save your pride.

If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already don't love him. And if you don't love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive. If you like the moon, you can't just take it down and put it in your basin. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in your life.

If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points, and the bad. You can wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him. If he can change to become what you like him to be, you don t love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, you only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end.

Being away from each other is a type of test. If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat.

Real love will never become hate...

++

excited girl..

i was a little stressed up at work and headed off to meet michie for din din i town after dropping off the cakes back at home. i was really tired and was yawning non stop on the way home and on the way to town, but i was determined to meet michie. been quite some time since we last met and am looking forward to it.

finally met her and we had a HARD time deciding what to eat. everywhere else seemed so packed! we left our names at ichiban boshi in wisma, but the list was so long so left for something else. strolled from wisma to taka to paragon and eventually queued up in this jap restuarant there. the queue was at least shorter. heh. but guess what? my phone rang and we were given a seat back at wisma and we decided to head back again! comical rite? all my tiredness seemed to dispel the moment i met mich.

throughout our meal, we blabbered about our work, the people around us, the food, the location and was lost in time. such simple pleasures of life. good company always seemed like a short time and its almost time to go.. when michie fished out a cd with my face on it!



oh my god! oh my god! it says GRADUATION!! it's the graduation photos that we took last year by her cousin (lawrence) but he hadnt had the time to do the editing.. i was so excited, but.. i realised i look fat!! -pouts- somehow my face looks so fat on the disc.. was i miss piggy? sigh..

i was so happy and like an excited child.. i wanted so much to see the photos.. wanted to make a dash home and check them out. i even attempted persuading michie
to let me use 'pretty'(her laptop) which was lying on the floor. see how desperate i was?

anyway, as usual, i made a collage out of the photos. i love these photos. check out the guy behind these shots here -peepshow machine. he specializes in photography & videography for weddings, so you might wanna check it out if you have intentions of getting married in the near future!

i couldnt decide which photos to use so here's almost everything. heh. was so excited with the photos that i seemed to have forgotten that i got to work in 6 hours. heading for bed now. good nite world.

lunchtime..

I'm trying to steal a quick blog during lunch, when everyone is out.

these days, i think the bed is one place i enjoy being at. i turned in at 10+ last nite. it's so un-me, but i was so tired that i was fighting my eyelids at 8+.. was uploading the pictures from my cam and resizing them so that i can send them to the gals and larry via email.

i hate clutter. clutter clutter clutter. my desk is so cluttered with paper that i cant see my desktop. as much as i tried to clear.. more just come pouring in. i dont know if it's because im seated near the fax machine, there are always new faxes on my desk everytime i walk away. or whoever's clearing the faxes will just dump a pile on my desk. im not exaggerating. those faxes that are not meant for me will also find their place somewhere on the top of my desk. i wonder if people truly know the meaning of an "in-tray". my in-tray is always empty, but my desk cluttered. -sigh-

my shoulder and my arm is still hurting. sometimes the pain is so extrememe that i want to break off my arm. wonder what is wrong, but i don't have the time to go to the sen sei, not the same one at least.

these days, i seemed to be lost in my own world of work and sleep. nothing else seemed to fill my life. heh.

its friday! i tot i was supposed to be happy, but the thought of working tomorrow just irks me. today is also dad's birthday, but i might be meeting michie for dinner. i bought my dad a cake, the first time in years.. or maybe, the first one in my entire life so far and no, i dont think im going to celebrate it for him.

i feel a little lost without msn at work, but it has also allowed me to concentrate fully on clearing the clutter. I'm debating on the issue if i should install it back.

almost time for me to have lunch. i miss all my msn pals. :) i hope everyone will have a great day!

disappearance from the blogging scene..

I seemed to have disappeared, i know. entertaining is the thing that has been draining me out. Can you imagine? i just managed to step back into my house just a min ago.. can only drop a quick blog and off i am to bathroom to prepare for another hectic work day.

i'm freaking tired. i know some would prob say i asked for it. but sometimes, is it possible to reject? when it comes to occasions like farewell or birthdays? -sigh-

i have much to say, but little time left. i havent found any chance to even drop a quick blog at work and i didnt have the time to install msn yet. be patient my friends, i'll be back.. as soon as i clear my stuff at work.

alrighty, gotta run. hope everyone has a great day today!!

Piggy personality test..

im dead tired. slept at 4.30am last night. i dunno what i have been doing but im feeling the effects of lack of sleep now. Here's the piggy that i drew for a personality test.


press here to take the test

painful day..

woke up today with a nagging pain in my arm still. its not getting better! headed for lunch and had this really sharp bugging pain in my chest that i hardly could bring myself to swallow the food. i was finding it a little hard to breathe. wonder what is wrong.

then came the cramps. argh.. stupid cramps. and i dunno what i ate wrongly. stomach churned and i had the runs. darn! i wonder if the day could get any better.

im still reeling in pain as i type this post. wanted to head for bed but i need to do up a poster. -sigh-

im due at my orthodontist's this month and i didnt know till 3 days ago. the card came in my mail more than a month ago, and my mum didnt tell me! argh! she just dumped it into this box with all the rest of the bills till i was clearing it the other day! and i'm left with only 2 fridays this month to book the appointment.

i'm a little scared tho. i havent been religiously wearing my retainers. in fact, i kinda stopped wearing them coz they are such a chore! and i suspect, my teeth has moved and gone askew. that's why im fearing the visit. i dun want to hear the truth coming from the orthodontist! it means.. 4k down the drain. -freaks out-

am so tired already. spent the evening working on wei's report and reading a book. got to get my poster done up before heading to bed. night all. i'll meet you in my dreams.

non-existence..

i wonder if many realised my non-existence on the net for the whole of yesterday, other than the short entry i posted.

my office com is up and running and all the programs are gone. yes, including msn and i havent had the time to install anything back and msn is the least of my priorities. and the best part is.. in my haste of back-uping my files, i copied the wrong files for my outlook express and didnt realise it. and yes, i lost all my contacts in my email and shucks! i don't know how to explain it should my boss ask me about the past correspondence. but that, seemed a minor problem to me at this point of time.

it was a very busy day, with everyone breathing down my neck wanting everything to be done and i had to wait till after lunch before i could work on my terminal. and of coz, i also had to spend time transferring my documents back and no one seemed to empathize with my situation and kept bugging me. i couldnt say i was in the best of my moods coz every single moment, i wished i could smash a chair into someone's face. and things were made worse with the constant ringing of my phone and my "boss" constantly on the line asking me for the stuff. as if by talking to me constantly would speed up my work. it only did the contrary.

someone did missed me. heh. shuyu sms me and asked if im at work. that's at least a sign that someone is wondering abt me. of cos, it also had to do with the fact that i was supposed to hang out with them later in the night.. but i missed the dinner date in the end, coz i was in my office alone till 7.30pm at night! i only managed to join them for karaoke at around 10pm. everyone from the office left at 5.30pm and i couldnt. i could, but i know i would delay people's work without my input and in the end, mess up my reputation even further with someone who OBVIOUSLY practice favouritism (even tho he says he doesnt!).

the dinner date started at marina south when i was still in the office. and it'll take me abt an hr and a half to reach and stepping out of the place at 7.30pm, i would reach at 9pm and everyone should be full by then. and yes, i refused to take a cab. wont waste money unnecessarily.

i also realised im very soft-hearted. and it leading me into more heartaches. as much as i swore to myself that i wont asnwer his calls, i eventually did after letting it ring for sometime. urgh! and i am filled with regrets thereafter. had a not so pleasant dinner with him and someone else seated at the dinner table and i was like a vase most of the time oblivious to them, listening to their constant conversations abt their work, their colleagues, their exchanges on ideas and the people around them.. am getting quite sick abt these senarios, but i can do nothing but curse under my breath or getting myself into a daze staring at the surroundings while munching on my tasteless food. anyway, the night ended in a fit of quarrels which effects bore into today. maybe i should be hard-hearted. maybe it's time i learn. can anyone teach me please? -sigh-

so, where are we heading?

i'm soooo disappointed in you. you know that?

does it only takes 10 mins of me repeating a story to put you off? do you know how much it meant to me? is that how much you cared? is this how it should be?

im tired. why is it that i have to shower you with the attention you need and when i REALLY need it, u just deprive me of it? Is it a pure coincidence or am i so unfortunate that the circumstance had to be like this?

are you just a fair-weathered friend? or was i one myself? i lost.

maybe you dont see it this way i do. maybe we don't see eye to eye anymore. maybe its time that we both move on.

time waits for no man, and that's more true for women than anything else.

injured cherie..

just came back from the sinseh and *ouch*..

got 3 ring marks on my right shoulder blade and a huge plaster. dun ask me what happened coz i have no idea. woke up one day feeling pain and ignored it till it got worse that i cant lift my arm. and mum insisted that i go to the sinseh.

no more carrying of heavy stuff, no cold drinks. that, puts a huge frown on my face. -pouts-

am so tired. woke at 6.30am and got out of the house early morning. spent a day working out my heart. it keeps pumping intensely and i almost died holding my breath at some point of time. but, it's now all over. glad that i didnt have to go through something that i dread so much. thanks for those who sent their well wishes and the little prayer michie said for me.

michie, im so touched that you sent me an sms at 2.59am in the morning. really.

was blog surfing and saw this cute thingy from michie's blog. Does it look like me?? i think it kinda, in my red bikinis and red foam floppies. heh.


courtesy of meegos

im feeling so worn and hungry. came home and work like mad on my computer replying emails and worked from home. and entertained calls on my mobile. urgh!

im super beat and its gonna be a super long day tomorrow. celebration time with my buddies again! woo hooo! -excited-

oh oh.. dinner's ready! mum mum time! cheerios!

im awake wide early in the morning and there isnt a slight cheer it seems. wish me luck. i hope i dont have to go through something that i dont have to.

im feeling down. im feeling sick. my hands are burning! Boo! :(

lost..

i'm on leave tomorrow. cant work, as much as i wish i could. that's a refreshing feeling for a change.

the day has come, the ambiguity of what it has in store for me frightens me. i hate saying this, but i think i need loads of hugs and love really soon.






*HUGS* TOTAL!
Give ME some *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own


im feeling stressed out this very moment. it was raining buffalos and goats this evening when i was "forced" to leave my workplace that i left many things undone. i now regret deeply that i left my office at all. so much work and i cant work tomorrow. i got a feeling im getting myself into deep shit.

and it all boils down to my darn computer. maybe it knows that i was cursing him late last nite. this morning, being at work on time, it greeted me with a black screen and options for me to consider. guess what?

here are some the options..
1. Normal mode
2. Command Prompt
3. DOS
and i cant remember what else.

fuck. of all days, it had to choose the day i really need to work on him loads. it simply screwed all my work up!

loitered at the reception area coz i didnt have a place to sit while someone looked at my com. and no, i didnt have nothing to do the whole day! i wish i could. slightly past 9am, i donned my production cap and shoes cover and headed towards the production to check on some cakes. got to make sure they are well done enough for a shoot.

10am, photographer came and its time to do the shoot. stood there watching each cake being shoot, chose the images with the lightings that i wanted, cut the cakes, slice up some, the rolls and at the same time.. ate some. heh heh. that's prob. the best part of the photoshoot. to eat. but there's nothing much to eat really. most of the cakes are dummies - no filling in them!

by the time it was done. It's 2+ already. and i hadnt had lunch. how cool is that? not to mention that i was freaking hungry!

spent the rest of the day at my desk. not working, but back-up-ing mmy files. the IT guru in my office says there's still something wrong with the com. i need to back up my files fast. and so, that's what i did, on a really slowing moving computer. takes me ages just to view the files and burn them into a cd. argh!

time to go home when im done. and as much as i want to stay. my colleague kept bugging me to go. she meant well. it was raining so heavily! and i am going to be the last person in the office. something not really recommended when u work in a ulu industrial place like mine, especially when the bus stop is quite a distance away. and they have called a cab to get out of the place. so, reluctantly i went ahead.. and im now in SELF REPROACH!

tho i brought some work home, checked my emails the moment i got home, but i remembered so much MORE things that i had to do before tomorrow morning 9.30am. toyed with the thot of heading back there really early in the morning but i cant. i gotta leave my house at 7am tomorrow and i dun have the key to the office!!

i wish someone could tell me what i could do. if only i have the office key. if only i have a car. i will drive back now and get all my work done!

-disgrunted-

boring posts..

my posts are getting boringer and boringer! help me, how to make it more interesting?

splitting headache..

it hasnt been a really nice day for me. it started out with me being quite late for work, and loads of trouble shooting at work. i didnt sleep well last night..i fell asleep in the midst of doing something (i cannot remember what!!) and woke in the middle of the night to find my com not shut.. and couldnt sleep at ease after that.

then my darn computer at work, crashed on me at least 15 times today. made me so mad that i was on the verge of throwing the whole piece of junk downstairs. its not like it has got virus or something. works fine, but really lack of memory and the batt in there.. dying.. and i told someone about the problem since eons ago.. and he doesnt want to do anything abt it, which makes me all the more frustrated. anyway, these arent the crux of the problem.. the best part of it all.. the computer just simply reboots itself all the time.. like while im in a midst of typing a word document.. or when i open a new program.. or when im in reading my emails. anytime, is the word. without a single warning at all.

anyone knows what's the hell is fucking wrong with that computer? sometimes, i accidentally knock the cpu slightly and im faced with a blank screen again! so many deadlines and it simply doesnt help with many people breathing down my neck and my computer rebooting itself all the time. at times, it would even reboot itself 3 times within 5 mins.

i cant even surf the net properly. but, i observed something.. its usually not that bad in the morning but it gets worse as time goes on. has anything that has got to do with heat tat's causing the problem? sigh.. i need a computer guru.

anyway.. i guess many people has experienced effects of my computer crashing with me signing in n out of msn so many times.. other times.. i appear offline (weird sign) coz i cant be bothered to sign in anymore!

i dunno what i did, drank or eat to trigger a splitting headache since this afternoon. the headache is still bugging me now and i feel like heading to my bed soon.

on a happier note, i'm glad that i finished my jap and that i now have more time for myself for at least till my next jap course starts. started reading the angels & demons book by dan brown this morning. its been near my bed for 2 weeks and i resisted reading it then coz i was supposed to be studying for jap. ended up not studying much either and spent all my time on my computer. i'm so technology dependent that i'll freak out should i lose my computer.

i bought more tuna after work and made more tuna to eat. and i am just simply so thrilled to bite on the tomato-tuna-cracker combination. simple pleasures of life. :)

I passed!

after much fretting and on the verge of freaking out, i rushed off to jap school immediately after work. was trying to cram all the readings into my brain while on the train, but there's a limit to how fast i can read and how much i can remember. met yee tat for a quick bite and sat down at mac to finish up the homework.

out of the 10 lessons that i had to study, i only cover 4 of them briefly. lessons 6 - 9. yee tat told me he covered 1 - 9 lessons and stayed home the last 2 days.. and i'm more freaked out.

headed for the test with clammy hands and increased heart beat rate. i was given a tiny piece of paper (a6 size) and a booklet of questions. sensei quickly explain the instructions in front of the booklet.. no writing on question booklet bla bla bla and we are supposed to start. it was 8pm and we are to stop at 8.30. almost couldnt believe my ears! the question booklet is at least 7-8 pages thick!?!

anyway, tried to read the instructions, but gave up after a while. too much hirigana and too slow my speed of reading those. decided to jump into the question and i stared hard. 1 minute after reading the 1st question, i'm still stumped. i cannot remember what "imasu" meant! stared at the answers and have no clue which is the correct one. stared at yeetat and mumbled, shit! i duno how to do the 1st qn! he mumbled living thing and pointed to the answers one by one and went, "non-living thing, non-living thing, non-living thing, living thing! that's the answer!"

i wouldnt say he was discreet in doing that. i think the whole class would have heard his speech. i was thankful tho that the sensei had his eyes closed and was listen to some music on his earphones. i gave yeetat a poke and went.. "Shhh!"

took yee tat's answer and went on to continue doing the rest of the questions, at 8.30pm, im almost done with the paper less those questions that i skipped coz i didnt know the answers. we were asked to stop, and i was pretty upset thinking that i wont have a chance to even try doing them. sensei seeing the looks on all our faces say that we can continue doing them later. it's time for listening comprehension. wow, i would say that's the hardest part of the whole test! it's like, the words just slip past that i didnt even have a chance to decipher them properly that i have to choose an answer already. turns out, i only got 1 question wrong out of 8 question.

was given yet another 15 mins to finish up our questions and i quickly made my best guess at those that i aint sure about. there's still some time and i'm too lazy to check my answers over, so yee tat and i went checking out each other's answers. Most of them tally in the beginning, i changed one of my answers and yee tat changed a couple, till we came to this section where our answers are almost different. we were arguing on our answers discreetly and yee tat decided that he shall leave his answers as it is when i insisted i'm right. anyway, time's up, and it's marking time.

I didnt know i'm supposed to mark my own paper tho. heh. sensei read out the answers and i happily tick those that i got correct and went "huh?" each time i got it wrong.

i am such an insensitive bitch. i was telling yee tat, "see? im right! I got 80 points!" and not realizing that he's prob feeling low that he didnt do so well after studying much more than me. on our way home, he was cursing that if he knew, he wouldnt have stayed home to study that much.. that was when it hit me that he's affected by my scores and the fact that i prob didnt study as much. Oops!

- smacks head -

insensitive me. as usual. never think before i shoot out my words. oh well, nothing much that i can do now huh?

came home and tried my hands on fixing up this tuna mixture. drain tuna from oil, add diced onions, add mayo, add salt, add lime (supposed to be lemon, but mum gave me lime juice telling me that's lemon juice! Grr..). sliced up a tomato and dump the paste on a cracker and its yummy! :P am going to bring that to the office!

brain dead

gawd. i tried hard waking early to study my jap after turning in at near 5am last nite. my brain seemed to be dead no matter how hard i tried to drill the jap in. memorizing the simple terms almost killed me when a lot of them are just so similar!

for example:
kikimasu - listen
kakimasu - write
kakemasu - make

I keep confusing them! and there are hundreds for me to know.. from cutlery to places (zoo, botanic garden, bank, train station), to action words (send, eat, drink, sleep, rest), to tools from the toolbox, to greetings, different meals of the day, time, dollar expression, the family chart, the calendar, transportation means, people expressions.. argh! and these are just SOME examples. they are all killing my brain cells. and these are not the main stuff i have to learn. sentence structure, the different particles to use are the core, but without knowing the basic words, how to form a sentence? not to mention that there are positive and negative aspects of some words and present and past tense.

the last 4 lessons are the killer. they are so hard and plus the fact that i didnt have time to revise makes them all the more foreign to me. altho i always manage to know enough to survive in class, somehow, knowing that i cant refer to anything tomorrow freaks me and my tiny brain out!

the only thing that im assured with is the writing aspect. somehow, i have practised hard during the first few lessons that it has given me a pretty strong foundation, but, im still nervous!

-butterflies in my stomach-

my brain is shutting down as i type this post. tears are welling up in my eyes with each yawn and i wanna head back to dreamland.



watched sahara last nite and i find the show pretty engaging. i guess it was pretty well worth the time despite having a test to study for. heh. :P recommended if you like action stuff.. loads of bullets and explosion in the show.

alrighty, hitting the books again. time is running out. got to go for dinner tonight with wei's family.

Not feeling too well..

I'm constantly tired these days.. i came home after a hearty lunch with chiew yen n jasmine at crystal jade that serve the la mian and xiao long bao..

came home determined to study my jap, but was glued to my computer for a while.. headed back in my room to study and within 15 mins of studying, i fell into slumber. heh heh.. i'm not lazy! its just that im too tired!

just woke not too long ago and it's an unusual saturday cos im hardly at home on sat and blogging! heading out soon tho, maybe to catch a movie or something and then more mugging at my jap. the test is in less than 48 hrs and im kinda freaked out knowing that i havent revised for a long long time.

my throat's feeling a tad too dry, head spinning and i think my blood level has dropped again. i also fell earlier when i got out of my bed and my vision went blank for a while. i hope i dont get sick, not when im trying to be superwomen at work.

i forsee a tough week ahead and there may be some emotional roller coaster ride that i may go through on thursday. im keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that i can pull it through.

Online dating personality quiz results..

am a little bored and super tired and decided to give it a try on the quiz. Hmm.. pretty true but im not too sure if im ambitious.. prob only in certain issues. :)

Your dating personality profile: Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. Wealthy/Ambitious - You know what your goals are and you pursue them vigourously. Achieving success is important to you. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.

Your date match profile: Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Athletic 2. Wealthy/Ambitious 3. Adventurous 4. Sensual 5. Liberal 6. Romantic 7. Big-Hearted 8. Outgoing 9. Intellectual 10. Stylish

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Athletic 2. Adventurous 3. Big-Hearted 4. Sensual 5. Conservative 6. Intellectual 7. Outgoing 8. Funny 9. Practical 10. Stylish

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

despondent..

it's another of those i wanna-cry-out-loud-but-no-tears-come-into-my-eyes days.. dun ask me why. it just hit me when i least expects it.

i know this will lead to a flood of my hp with smses saying "take care", "u ok?", "call me if anything", "cheer up k" messages.. and some who are really kind, will start sending me mms of photos/pictures of things that i usually like and will cheer my day up. it will prob also leave a chain of messages on my tagboard or emails asking me what's wrong, and also msgs over the msn. before you decide to pick that hp up, hit that write mail button, divert your eyes to the comment bar/tagboard or start looking for my nick in your msn list.. i'm here to say.. dun worry.. i'm feeling fine. *manages a smile* :)

i guess life's like that. it's filled with ups and downs and there are always people in the ups times to share your joy with and the down times to share your woes. the question is, are the same people sharing your joys the same as those sharing your woes? as much as i hope the same people to be there whether it is up or down, i can hardly believe it will happen in reality. maybe it does, but im too blinded to see it anymore.

i feel puzzled pondering about a question that i have no answer to. at least, i dont have the answer that im actually looking for.

i do hope i'll find the answer someday.

tiring day and starting to feel sick..

i just sneezed non-stop just before creating this entry. i think im gonna fall sick really soon.

fetched wei from the airport right after work today, and i'm now feeling the effects of weariness. not sure why.

lunch was interesting today. kinda had another super long lunch. drove chiew yen, jasmine, poh chuan and jean out of the office for lunch. had sakae at sembawang shopping centre. as usual, loads of laughter and crude jokes and i enjoyed myself immensely. i havent been really enjoying myself like that at work for a long time, and i thought, its a refreshing change.

i've been adding more and more links to my sidebar that i think im flooding it. but, it seems, a lot more people are blogging than i know it. thinking of changing it to a drop down bar thingy, but for now, that will still remain as a thought.

there are so many things on my to-do list now. study for my jap test, clean up my room, read the book angels and demons (lying by my bedside for ages already), start my auctions all over again, and get my life organised. and if, i do have time to spare.. i want to revamp my blog. it's looking a little stale to me, and someone (you know who u are), took my blog header pic and dumped it into his blog. :(

i guess its time to head for bed soon. now that i have returned the car to wei, i got to start waking real early to catch the bus and make sure i wont be late. and, i have got a supervisor meeting at 9am, so got to be there early to prepare for the meeting. :)

here's some pictures taken yesterday.

slacking..

I havent been religiously updating my bloggie. As i found out recently, more people are reading my blog than i know it.

some of the people whom i dun know, have added me to their msn list.. and one of the latest is this person from holland. somehow, i feel weird knowing that someone from the other end of the globe is reading my blog too altho i often blog surf and read blogs from different parts of the world.

anyway, the week didnt really start off well for me. monday was a sucky day to have been warned abt my attitude in work, for being constantly late and slacking. altho im not the only person that got it, but i feel that everytime a comment abt something is being passed, it is directed at me. I had to admit it's all true, but obviously there are some underlying reasons for my behaviour. heh. I usually try to treat people the same way they treat me.

Anyway, the usual routine on monday is me rushing down to jap class but the last monday was quite special. i got a sms from yee tat early in the morning and he's gonna give me a treat for dinner! haha. how nice. he passed his ippt and was feeling happy and decided to give me a treat! so, we had dinner at thai express and i was busy copying his homework coz i was too tired to do over the weekend and forgotten all about it! ended up being late in class. :P

since the day wei has left for japan, i have only heard from him once, which was monday night at 2.30am in the morning. i was having fun in dreamland when my hp interrupted me and shook me awake. i couldnt really remember what i mumbled and what exactly he said. i was just too tired to think straight.

he's coming back tonight and i stayed up till almost 3am in the morning last night to wait for his call. He was supposed to feed me with the flight details. he didnt call. i was a little disappointed tho, and of coz.. really tired.

everyone has been asking me why i am happy yesterday (ref: my msn nick). I just wanted to be happy so decided to light up my day with a cheerful msn nick. of coz, it also helped that i had lunch with a hunk. Daniel, a friend whom i havent met for ages, but knew since the age of 16 dated me for lunch yesterday coz he was around the area. gawd, he turned so different and obviously has became much more good looking than i remembered him (for those who are interested, sorry! he's happily attached!). but that's not the point. the point is, i finally have a change of lunch venue and had a choice of eating something different. that, by itself is a refreshing change.

i skipped dinner and slept the evening away. I was prob too tired from the lack of sleep before and i suddenly find myself so short of time to myself.

the stress period in work is approaching. somehow, i seemed to dread most of the major festives now. with them coming, my workload will increase and im hardly breathing at work with mother's day coming.

my shoulders are aching terribly. i guess i didnt sleep well last night too. wei called me in the morning but the phone was cut off before i got all the details from him. now, i got to decide whether to head for T1 or T2 at the airport this evening coz he didnt even tell me what flight he's taking. sigh.

oh, my aunt in seattle just informed me that my smally uncle just arrived in seattle and he's gonna ride in our dream car. my dear uncle actually sent me an email from the airport to tell me that it's just so unbelievable and he's gonna email me the experience. we were breathing down their neck to buy that when we went car shopping in seattle and they eventually decided against it and bought a toyota matrix instead.. yes, u are reading it right. its not a hyundai matrix.

so, when my aunt told me abt buying my dream car.. i was filled with joy! to kill your suspense.. my dream car is the lexus rx330. We only have rx300 here in sing tho.

this is probably a really boring entry coz im just rattling off my thought and whatever that's popping into my mind. and i got to stop now.. being called in for another meeting. :(

pleasant weekend..

wei is now in japan. i havent heard from him since he left. i think he tried to call me today but i was in jap class and didnt know the phone rang. argh!

anyway, i went tomb sweeping in the afternoon and spent the rest of the sat at home sorting out 300+ photos that i developed. how nice to see some of them.. taken some years back.. like 2002. hee.

spent sunday with ant.. for almost 9 hours.. we were at esplanade.. catching up on each other, just enjoying each other's company. here are some of the photos that i took!



he bought me some presents from his iraq peace making mission trip.. i love them all.. how nice of him rite? i love presents! haha.. anyway, here's one of them.. named pouty and she's gonna join my bunch of sleeping pals on my bed. aint she cute?



i'm so beat that i hardly have the energy to blog.. im barely keeping awake. had a long sucky day in the office after having loads of butter slapped on me.. and jap class. i finished learning the whole textbook that i have got and the test is in 7 days time. time to stay home and mug already.

here's more photos tho.. pictures of the disney ice.. excluded all those of the show coz it's simply too dark to see a thing clearly. :(



its time for bed. i barely surviving against the Z monster. sweetie dreams to all.

idea from mich's blog!

If you read this, you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want,
Good or bad - just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal (if you want).
See what people remember about you...

i will post something i remember about you if you request me to....

com' on! give me a pick-me-up for the weekend!